In a landslide victory which many are calling a pay-to-play contest, Florida Senator Rick Scott was declared the ‘Sexiest Politician’ at this year’s C-SPAN Awards.
“It was an honor to be nominated, and an even bigger honor to win,” said Scott while accepting the award, speaking mostly to a crowd of aides for front runners Kentucky Senator Richard Hambuns and Iowa Congressman Paulito Mercado.
“Paulito, you have strong dimples and I was very scared you were going to win because of all that corn money,” said Scott while acknowledging his opponents, “and Hambuns, you’re the only person in D.C. who can pull off the rat tail, but wow so great. It feels really good, I must say.”
Senator Scott then signaled to stagehand to play his presentation.
“As you can see I’ve had quite the year,” said Scott while showing off nude photos of himself on the big screen. “But nothing will compare to the following stories about me.”
Scott then asked me to link these articles about himself that he really enjoyed:
“I hope you’re ready for a few more years of stories like this, because I’m not stopping these antics any time soon.” Senator Scott said before pulling his tongue out of his mouth and holding it up over his head while letting himself get covered in the blood spewing from his mouth.