Sex With Pregnant Women Now Illegal in Florida

Now that life begins at conception, sex with pregnant women will be considered sexual battery on a minor.

“New and expecting parents will be required by law to sign a form stating they didn’t engage in any sexual contact after discovering the pregnancy.” Said Florida Governor Ron DeSantis during a press conference where he signed the bill into law.  “This law will protect children from groomers who want to start sexualizing them from the moment of conception.”

DeSantis signed the bill in front of a group of children at a middle school, telling them that they will no longer have to be afraid of being forced into a threesome with their parents.

“We are giving the police complete authority to enter homes where they suspect pregnant women are engaging in illegal sexual activities with their partner,” continued DeSantis. “This will be one of the biggest budget increases the police have ever seen.”

As part of the bill, police will now be allowed to break into homes if they hear any sexual noises.

“Cops will have full discretion when it comes to the enforcement of our vague rules,” said DeSantis.  “We are putting it out there, Florida is a right-to-life state, and people who abuse that life need to go back to their blue states where they can enjoy lockdowns and bodily autonomy.”

Many women around Florida are calling the law an outrageous overstep that infringes on their right to have sex until the moment of conception. 

“The baby is actually protected by the uterus and sexual activity doesn’t affect the baby at all,” said Dr. Rosenbaumberg. “I’m not sure what this law is based on but there are absolutely no facts behind it whatsoever.”

Governor DeSantis, fought back, “Frankly, I don’t know what these liberals are using to brainwash children with woke science terms like uterus. If there’s a baby in that women and your dick is near it, you’re going to be in trouble.”