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Sports stuff happening somewhere in Florida

Not everyone is a die-hard sports fan or competition-crazed enthusiast. Nonetheless, it feels good to be up on the latest news events. That’s why I’m here to inform you that there has been word that sports stuff is going on… or it did go on recently. It’s been confirmed that something sports related is/was just happening somewhere, likely near the Tampa vicinity. I’ve gathered this information from the behavior of day to day passerbyers, and interactions with my colleagues. 

There have been reports of downtown-strolling citizens high fiving more in recent weeks, fist bumping with joy, or stopping to shake a light post vigorously. One man argued on the phone with his girlfriend while walking to his destination for 3 minutes longer than usual. I’ve also overheard words such as “cup,” “bowl,” “plates,” and other kitchen-related phrases used more frequently in recent days, but upon investigation, I discover the persons are not discussing my new favorite IKEA tableware collection.

Additionally, while I was in the TNF office the other day walking down the hall to the fax machine, I passed by Senior Supreme Executive Content Editor Clark Brooks’ cubicle. He was wearing a loose jersey and a cap of some sort on his head. 

“How’s it going, Clark?”

“It’s going great! Just working on an article. Man I can’t wait for The Big Game. I can’t wait to see the look on their face when Sports kicks that place’s ass clear off the field!” [paraphrased]

“Really, is that so?” I asked while adjusting my glasses and jotting down a couple notes.

“I’m so glad Sports has finally returned to Florida. Ever since the return of Sports, so many lives have been saved from boredom. I just worry about those souls on the other team. I don’t know what exactly’s going to happen to the opponents, but I know things won’t be the same after The Big Game.”

A few days later when I checked in with Clark, he wasn’t as jovial as before. However, another colleague with the cubicle in the corner was extremely elated. I usually forget that he exists because no one really talks to him or knows where he’s from, but recently he’s been uttering joyous exclamations across the office such as “Whooo! I love life! I’m not quitting today!” every few minutes.  Whatever the nature of these current sports events, they seem to be affecting the general population either negatively or positively. 

So if you live in the Florida area, you may hear people discussing topics such as kitchenware or marine life, and getting a bit angrier than usual when you ask how their day has been or ask for a small favor. We are currently unsure how long these effects will last, but I’m happy to provide you THE MOST up-to-date scoop on the world of sports! Further reports as information arises. 

Cannzana StockWil

About Cannzana StockWil

Journalist, Author, and Academic. Studied Florida extensively at New College of Florida. Definitely not an undercover Florida rapper with the name C✰.