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Florida Election Results: Liberals Realize they Don’t Bang Enough

Fuckless Libs

After realizing that Donald Trump easily defeated Joe Biden in a popularity contest, Liberals in Florida took a good hard look at their sex spreadsheets.  

“I’m just not reproducing at the speed that I should I have compared to my Republican ‘Compadres’,” said Shimrod Orangotan, a man who admitted to me that he hasn’t had sex for reproduction purposes. “When I orgasm, it’s to pleasure me, not to make another one of me.”

Orangotan then pulled out a copy of his High School yearbook and pointed out every person who recently had a child and voted Republican. 

“This guy fucks,” said Orangotan while pointing at a photo of a guy with a mustache.  

“Yeah, I fucks,” said Purlen Bossphish, a 35-year-old father of six 18-year-olds with a pretty sweet mustache. “As soon as I was able to grow this mustache, I knew I had to pass these genes on.”

Bossphish then described the America he grew up in, “My dad taught me that when you have sex with a toaster, you better impregnate that motherfucker.” Six tiny toaster people wearing 2020 MAGA hats walked up to me, freaking me out.

“Please kills me!” Screamed the mustached toaster people.  

I then pulled out my AK-47 and shot them all rapidly, point blank.

“My children!” Screamed Bossphish, clutching the bodies of his dead mustached toaster children.  “At least they voted before they got shot.”

Bossphish then unloaded the bodies of his dead children into the back of a pick-up truck and donated their dead bodies to a COVID-19 stem cell collection unit.

Liberals around the country are encouraged to buy guns, unless they don’t want to.