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St. Pete woman dating Leo!

Hollywood super duper star Leonardo DiCaprio, stung by recent criticism of his tendency to date much younger women, has found himself a new boo thang in 87-year-old Estelle Gardenschwartz of St. Petersburg!

“Yeah, I’m sick of all that shit,” he said. “So this ought to shut people up.”

“Because this chick is old!” he added unnecessarily.

“I figured ‘where’s the best place to find a more, um, seasoned and mature girlfriend?’ You know, to get people off my back,” he explained. “So of course I came to St. Petersburg.”

The two have been spotted out and about, enjoying everything the Sunshine City has to offer before 7pm. Making out at the Mahaffey. Smooching at the Shuffleboard Club. Canoodling at the Chihuly Collection. Sucking face at Sunken Gardens.

“Who’s eating Gilbert Grape? I am!” Estelle said delightedly. “I don’t know what that means but everyone laughs when I say it.”

“Yeah she is!” added Leo with a sly grin.

Speaking of eating, St. Pete’s new “IT” Couple has been frequently seen dining at Morrison’s Cafeteria at Tyrone Square Mall, where Leo is rumored to be a big fan of the fish with almonds on it and the green Jell-O with carrot shavings in it for a decadently decent dessert. No whipped cream for this Hollywood hunk facing down middle-aged spread as he rapidly approaches 50-years-old!

“Leonardo is such a nice and pleasant young man,” said the octogenarian object of the Titanic star’s eye. “When we first met, I told him he reminded me of my grandson… because they’re the same age.”

“She calls me ‘kid’,” said a beaming DiCaprio. “It’s been a long time since anybody called me that.”

Estelle’s grandson Ted was recently quoted as saying, “Grandma! What the f—“

Might wedding bells be ringing in the future for this cozy couple?

“Well, he hasn’t asked me… yet,” said Estelle, blushing and giggling.

“Probably not,” said The Wolf of Wall Street star. “As soon as she dies, which could be any day now, I’m back to business as usual.”

“And by that, I mean banging barely-legal fashion models. You know, in case I wasn’t clear.”

“What did you say, honey?” asked Estelle, to which DeCaprio replied, “I love you”, and left the room.

“He thinks he’s slick but I’m banging Pete Davidson behind his back,” Estelle whispered, giggling.

Clark Brooks

About Clark Brooks

Senior Supreme Executive Premium Content Editor for Tampa News Force. Comedian, writer and ordained minister. Twitter: @ClarkBrooks | Instagram:@ClarkBrooks54

1 Comment

  1. Avatar carla catnip on February 17, 2023 at 9:49 pm

    omg LMAO..I want some grapes now!