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Study proves time moves slower in Florida

Through a decade-long study, a Nobel prize winning quantum physicist has produced results proving that people in Florida are affected by time differently than everyone else in the country.

The study focused on two identical twins, one who lived in Tampa, and the other who lived in New York. After close surveillance for ten years, the twin who lived in New York appeared weathered and perpetually tired and ill, while the twin who lived in Tampa, did not seem to age a bit, and was much happier and stable than his brother up north.

“It was always just a theory people would joke about.” Claimed quantum physicist Geraldi Benivichi.

“People would say, ‘oh he’s on island time, he’s on Florida time, things move slower down there,’ and while we both experience the same twenty four hours in a day, those hours are much more harsh in other states as opposed to Florida.”

Benivishi’s study reports that hours spent in busy cities take a much harsher toll on the body, than those of the flat ground, wide open, Florida layout.

“People deal with pollution, and stress, and combatant climates in other cities, which weaken the bodies immune system, forcing us to work much harder for the same level of comfort that one can easily attain in Florida.” Benivichi explained:

“Imagine your body like a car and in other cities you must use more fuel to reach the same place in Florida which requires much less fuel. Our bodies are retaining more positive energy and anti-aging biomes down in Florida. We only have a finite amount of energy in our lives before we pass, and in Florida, you’re able to moderate that use of energy with greater ease than in other places around the country.”

Quantum Physicist Geraldi Benivichi

Right as I was interviewing Benivichi, his door was kicked down by FBI agents claiming that he was a fake doctor and none of his science was real, including his Nobel prize which turned out to be chocolate wrapped in foil.

“You can put me in jail but you can’t debate my science!” Benivichi screamed as they dragged him from his office.

“Don’t listen to him kid, he’s a phony.” Said one of the FBI officers.

“Just get out of here, and don’t report about any sort of study that proves time moves slower in Florida, because it’s just not true. You’d have to be an absolute idiot to believe something like that.” The FBI agent said.

I still believe it though. Even though the FBI agent said that. I think it’s a conspiracy to put the guy away who exposed the truth. That’s always what I think. And nobody can tell me differently, unless it’s someone whom I respect and trust, but even then, it would take a very long time to make me change any of my beliefs because I’m very stubborn.

John Jacobs

About John Jacobs

MTV Reality TV Star and Award-Winning Tampa News Force Correspondent. Subscribe to YouTube Channel, Follow on Twitter: @MaybachDiamonds Instagram: @MaybachDiamonds