Skip to content

Rays players quit team because “Ray rhymes with gay”

GayRays

5 Rays players have quit after realizing that the word “Ray” rhymes with “gay.” Jason Wedlock, the 5th baseman and chosen speaker for the group claimed, “We never thought of it.” “As we were laughing about how dumb those rainbow Rays patches on the jerseys were, and how Jews killed our savior, we had a…

Read More

Dumb-ass idea dies deservedly

Rays Sternberg

The Tampa Bay Rays proposal to share the financially beleaguered Major League Baseball (MLB) franchise with the city of Montreal, a concept the organization has been committed to for years, has been officially squashed by Major League Baseball’s executive council. “We didn’t step in sooner because we had no idea that this was something being…

Read More

Brandon resident kind of confused by popular new catchphrase

Phillip McGooley of Brandon does not understand the meaning behind a catchphrase that has become increasingly popular lately, nor how he’s expected to respond to it. “I get that it’s a positive thing, meant to show support for or perhaps inspire Brandon”, he said. “And that’s great. But are they talking about the town where…

Read More

Red Tide Raises Rays

Tiding Up

Following the Rays clinching the American League East Division for the second consecutive season while compiling the best regular season record in the franchise’s 23-year history, with 100 wins for the first time, many are wondering how such a thing could possibly happen, considering that the team was thought to be significantly weaker after losing…

Read More

Rays trade Wander Franco to Red Sox

Blockbuster Trade

In a stunning late-season development, the Tampa Bay Rays have traded shortstop Wander Franco, their brightest up-and-coming star player to their interdivision rivals the Boston Red Sox in exchange for the frozen head of deceased Hall of Famer Ted Williams. “As an organization with unique revenue challenges to overcome, our focus is always going to…

Read More

Rays sign Kevin Kiermaier’s eyes to long-term deal

Kiermaier

The Tampa Bay Rays have signed the dreamy blue eyes of veteran outfielder Kevin Kiermaier to a contract that will keep his beguiling peepers with the Rays organization through 2071, 48 years after his current contract to play baseball expires. “Kevin has been an integral part of our success over the years and we hope…

Read More

Man Wearing Rays Hat Surprised to Learn They Are Doing Well

Rays hat

While out getting drunk for his best friend’s birthday, a Tampa man was recently surprised to learn that the Tampa Bay Rays are doing well this season. “Honestly I don’t even know how I ended up owning this hat,” said Fabio Sukiyo, a 32-year-old man from Seffner.  “I haven’t watched baseball in over 10 years,…

Read More

Rays outfielder offends certain Rays fans

Brett Phillips

Tampa Bay Rays outfielder Brett Phillips on and off-field antics have rankled a segment of loyal fans. “He’s obviously enjoying himself, just having the time of his life. And it’s all the time,” said longtime fan Hub Shitler of St. Petersburg. “That’s downright disrespectful to those of us who have made a tradition of being…

Read More