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Rays decide to wrap up ‘23 season

By Clark Brooks | March 30, 2023

Following a 4-0 win over the Detroit Tigers to open the 2023 Major League Baseball season, the Tampa Bay Rays have decided that they’re done for the year. “We had great pitching and defense, obviously. I mean, we shut them out,” said Rays manager Kevin Cash. “Plus, timely hitting with power. You really can’t ask…

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MLB installs Bitch Clock at Tropicana Field

By Clark Brooks | March 28, 2023
Bitch Clock

Major League Baseball (MLB) is implementing a number of changes for the 2023 season, including rule changes, larger bases and a clock that will limit time taken between pitches. One of these changes will be specific to Tampa Bay Rays games at Tropicana Field. In order to facilitate complaints about the much-maligned domed home stadium…

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New chain of sports bars for ladies slated to open in Tampa Bay

By Clark Brooks | January 13, 2023
Queefs

A brand-new chain of sports designed to appeal to families, and focusing on women, opened yesterday with their first location in Brandon. “Welcome to Queef O’Brady’s,” said owner and manager Tommy Wiffleballz. “The first sports bar by men for women to watch sports played by men and eat chicken wings served by women.” “This is…

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Rays players quit team because “Ray rhymes with gay”

By John Jacobs | June 13, 2022
GayRays

5 Rays players have quit after realizing that the word “Ray” rhymes with “gay.” Jason Wedlock, the 5th baseman and chosen speaker for the group claimed, “We never thought of it.” “As we were laughing about how dumb those rainbow Rays patches on the jerseys were, and how Jews killed our savior, we had a…

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