Tampa Airport to unveil behavior modification art work
Tampa Airport has announced plans to unveil a new piece of public art that will serve as both aesthetically pleasing and a means of keeping troublesome passengers in check.
The installation, titled “HOME”, by Matthew Mazzotta, is a massive, floor-to-ceiling radioactively mutated flamingo that can, and will, eat people.
Airport spokesperson Emelia Nipes says, “We’re big fans of form and function here at TPA. This art installation provides both: it’ll serve as an instantly recognizable, Florida-centric icon and also a deterrent to acting like an asshole.”
Nipes went on to explain that all airport patrons, whether they’re travelers on planes or just visiting the airport to meet arrivals or see people off, who have too much to drink or are generally disagreeable and unpleasant to staff or other people will receive one verbal warning. If the offensive behavior continues after that, those people will be required to put on a shrimp costume (provided free of charge by TPA) and run around in front of the flamingo. “Either people are gonna behave or Pinky’s gonna eat. It’s that simple”, she said.
“You guys realize this is a statue, right? It’s hand-sculpted from resin and fiberglass and not a living being. I keep telling people that but I feel like nobody’s listening to me,” says Mr. Mazzotta, the artist responsible and someone who has obviously never seen a Godzilla movie and is therefor not a credible source of info on the matter.
Airport spokeswoman is Emily Nipps ( you didn’t come close: Emelia Nipes??).
Spoiler alert: We know that.