As part of a new team building exercise, the Tampa Bay Vipers have set off on a group expedition to rid the Florida Everglades of the invasive Burmese Pythons in preparation for this January’s Python Bowl.
“They say the more pythons we catch, the bigger our paychecks will be when we inevitably get paid,” said XFL Tampa Bay Vipers Running Back, Bhaed Colon.
While the XFL season won’t begin until after the NFL Super Bowl, the Tampa Bay Vipers are hard at work building the camaraderie that will help them win games.
“The problem began when people started releasing their pet pythons into the wild,” said Vipers Head Coach Marc Trestman. “The state of Florida didn’t have a program in place to stop invasive species from destroying our ecosystem, but thankfully now that we have the Vipers,” Trestman mimicked viper fangs with his hands over his mouth to emphasize that Vipers have fangs, “These Burmese Pythons won’t stand a chance.”
“I’m not sure what the Coach is thinking,” said Vipers Quarterback Bowil Muhvements. “I think the coach expects us to climb trees and kill pythons with our teeth. I keep telling him I’m not an actual viper, but he doesn’t believe me.”
“Move your snake body around!” Screamed Trestman as we walked along the Florida Everglades.
“Who are you talking to coach?” One of the players asked Trestman, but the coach was so focused on killing pythons that he ran screaming into the mangroves wielding a bayonet.
The rest of the team boarded a bus to Miami and has been partying with me for a couple of days now. No word yet on what the coach wants us to do.