Downtown Tampa – Hillsborough County – Monday 4.1.2019
Local leaders today celebrated the completion of a walkable bridge connecting Riverwalk to the new Julian B. Lane park that is having pedestrians do a double take.
Thanks to new technology, engineers have constructed a nearly invisible bridge that gives the illusion of guests walking on water.
“When we got done constructing Julian B. Lane park we thought, this is nice and all but the stuff people really want is across the river,” says Tampa Bridge and Park Developer Walton Rookers. “Well now you’ll be able to stroll right along to the Riverwalk if you get bored looking at the housing developments on this side, and you get to feel a little bit like Jesus when you do.”
The walkway is easily accessible to guests on each side, but due to its narrow and invisible nature it is recommended no more than two people pass at a time.
“I tried looking for the bridge but couldn’t find it,” says Julian B. Lane park guest Philly Stikeums. “We followed the instructions to toss rocks in the water until you see it land on the deck beam but everywhere I tossed rocks they just sank into the river.”
Stikeums pulls out a tissue from her purse and begins sobbing, “I thought we found it and my husband said this must be it and stepped out over the railing but he fell into the water and the current was too strong and he got pulled down the river.” As she continues crying her phone rings, “HONEY, you’re okay where are you?”
She pauses. “You’re at Ricks on the River?” I hear Stikeums’ husband try to explain to her that she should jump in the river and that he will pull her to safety when she is close. “I’m not doing that, I don’t want to get wet…are you sure…no…I’m not, what do you mean I need to live a little…I’m not going to do that, the car is here I can just drive there.”
“If you give me your keys I can drop your car off on my way back and y’all can give me a ride home,” I tell her.
“Eww you walked here,” she said with a disgusted look on her face.
“What, no I took the bus, and even if I did walk what is wrong with that?” I asked her in a confused manner.
“I don’t even know why you are still interviewing me, this bridge doesn’t exist,” she said in an annoyed tone.
To prove that the bridge did exist I shoved her into the river, only for her to belly flop and get taken away by the fast moving waters.
“Well I guess I know where the platform isn’t,” I say in a loud exaggerated news anchor voice before laughing to myself.
The invisible walk bridge is totally real and you can find it if you look really hard.