South Tampa Cosmetic Surgery Center – Hillsborough County – Sunday, 7.7.19
A local plastic surgeon is being honored today for pioneering a new type of surgery that reverses the effects of resting bitch face (RBF) in patients by up to 20%.
“I’m very happy with my results,” said Sharron Haron, a local mother of two. “My husband would always ask me to smile more, or he would say things like aren’t you happy to see me?” Haron unwrapped a pack of 305 non-filtered cigarettes and pulled one out to light up. “I wasn’t happy to see him, but thanks to Dr. Chizzy, my husband has only been able to comment on the bandages around my face.” She then smoked a whole cigarette in one puff and then coughed for 20 minutes straight.
Dr. Chizzy discovered the reversal to RBF while arguing with his wife, “Yeah she was giving me some trouble and I said if she doesn’t want to smile when I want her to, then I will make her smile through my god-given cosmetic powers.”
The doctor then demonstrated his cosmetic powers by altering the structure of my face back to that of my 14-year-old self.
“This is great and all, but can you turn me back to normal?” I said while my voiced cracked and acne puss began to explode all over my face.
“Do you not enjoy my cosmetic gifts I have bestowed upon you?” The doctor said while spinning around in his lab coat.
“Not exactly man, I kind of like growing up,” I said to the doctor who was now looking at a chart like it was the first time he had ever seen a piece of paper.
“Very well, this procedure is more meant for men like me,” the doctor said while showing me out the door.
“What kind of man are you?” I asked the doctor.
“Oh you know, just very vain,” said the doctor while he unwrapped a pack of 305 non-filtered cigarettes and pulled one out to light up. “I’ve had like eight wives and I tell them all the same thing to break down their mental psyche and let me experiment my anti-RBF surgery on them.”
I was taken aback at this comment, and I couldn’t continue living in a world where men like this made women who have nothing wrong with them, feel bad about themselves.
So that’s what I did, I didn’t continue living.