Downtown Tampa Riverwalk – Hillsborough County – Friday, 5.3.2019
In a couple weeks, guests will be able to enjoy the world’s very first hot-air balloon nightclub, “Fur” which will be floating along the coast of Downtown Tampa and Channelside, starting May 17th.
Designed by famous nightclub influencer, Jerry BeGar, the hot-air balloon club features a 60-yard marble dance floor which is being held up by 700 quarter-inch titanium cables, suspending it amongst a massive 13,000 cubic gallon balloon which is able to support over 1,000 tons, powered by 800 jet engines which keep the balloon afloat.
The interior of the balloon nightclub will feature 100 taps with Florida’s favorite craft beers such as “Water Creek Dry Rub Ale” and “Cracker Country Apricot Wheat Stout.” Celebrity DJ’s have already been scheduled for the summer season, featuring Borgore, RL Grime, Snap Dragon, Lemon-Lime, and Even Stevenz. It’s rumored that Selmon Petroveli might even play a set under a surname or booked as a secret guest for a festival satellite show.
Cover charges and door prices aren’t public information yet, however it’s rumored that the entree fee for guys will be $45 and it will be free for ladies, along with a special deal, “ladies drink free, if guys pay for it.” There’s also rumored to be a VIP lounge that will be accessed through a rope-ladder that will lead to a separate, smaller, hot-air balloon with its own separate titanium cables and jet engines.
Social celebrities from all over the world have already flocked to the area in preparation for this new epic floating dancehall.
“I can’t wait to dance my a** off all night!” Exclaimed celeb-debutant princess social-climber, Winniffer Swan Winfield. “I’m going to get drunk, and grind, and take selfies, and instagrams-“
“Isn’t that the same thing?” I asked, interrupting her.
“Uhm, no it’s not, actually,” she annoyedly said. “They’re different things, you don’t understand what I do, I’m a vibe curator, I don’t need to be talking to you,” She walked away from me in 16-inch heels, towering over everyone else at the Howard Johnson breakfast bar.
I made my way out of the third-person scholastic news style writing from earlier in the article, and change things to a first person, live-action perspective.
I start walking from the Howard Johnson down the highway trying to hitch-hike my way to the next hotel I heard that starlets and scene-influencers would be staying at, and I see something off in the distance encompassing the setting sun. It looks like a balloon. “It’s getting away!” I hear off in the distance.
The nightclub hot-air balloon has gotten loose weeks before it was even finished being built, and it’s flying up into the sky, higher and higher. “No!” I can distinctly tell, that’s the voice of Jerry BeGar, designer of the balloon-club, and I turn to see him running down the highway towards me in a big upcycled football-pads-turned-fashion-cape, big blacked out coke-bottle eye-glasses, and a reverse Elvis hairdo, with aura-beads draped around his neck and thighs.
Definitely a sight to see. I couldn’t help but laugh a little bit to think about this really fancy balloon nightclub floating away because somebody didn’t tie it down well enough or monitor it closely.
How do you let that happen!? You’ve got to think they’re probably spending millions of dollars on a project like this. And it’s getting away into the night sky just to be inevitably destroyed in the ocean probably? What a fate for such an extravagant excess! I see Jerry stop running and he turns to his assistant and goes, “I told them I was guaranteed 15 million no matter what,” and he starts laughing.