Tampa News Force Headquarters – Hillsborough County – Thursday, 6.27.19
During a recent press planning meeting, Tampa News Force (TNF) contemplated ending it all and effectively stopping all publishing of new stories.
“I can’t take it anymore,” said TNF editor Josh Santos. “These articles get real long and pointless. I spend a lot of time editing them to make sure they are readable, but for who?”
Santos then began to cry because he doesn’t know how he is going to make rent this month. “I quit my job to write this stupid bullshit, I spend all my money on weed and scooter rentals, my life is really falling apart right now.”
When asked how TNF can keep going, Santos broke down again, “Look I’m tired of lying to the people of Tampa, I’m sure many see the name Tampa News Force and automatically know it’s not true. In a way we accomplished what we set out to do but we never stopped writing nonsense.”
The doorbell to the TNF headquarters rang and Santos made his way to the front door but no one was there. “Damn kids playing with our doorbell! That’s another thing I got to worry about!”
Santos slammed the door and made his way to the kitchen of the TNF HQ and made a salad. “I try to eat healthy, I do some work out moves everyday, I publish at least one thing and then I play Smash Brothers on my Nintendo Switch.” Santos was now crying again into the salad, “Yeah it sounds like the best time ever but I’m just so alone, no one else wants to help me with this garbage.”
Santos chucked his Nintendo Switch at the nearest window, shattering it and leaving broken glass all over the floor, “I may as well roll on the broken glass and lay there until I die.” He said dramatically, waiting for me to stop him from doing it. “Why won’t you stop me?”
“Look man, I don’t care what you do,” I said to Santos who was now losing his mind. “I’m not here to say you should end it, but if it doesn’t bring you any joy, then why do you do it?”
Santos got quiet and thought really hard for a moment before opening up to me, “You’re right. Life is too short to do things you hate, and right now I hate everything, but that is okay because the lead singer of BTS goes through these same emotions.”
I nodded at Santos who was starting to cheer up.
“If the main guy from BTS can get up every morning and do what he does, then maybe I have a chance,” Santos left to go publish a story on the TNF website, but it didn’t receive any shares or likes on social media.
As of this writing, Santos has quit TNF and he vowed to never update this website again.