Tropicana Field – Pinellas County – Wednesday, 6.26.19
In a major league baseball first, the Tampa Bay rays will become the first full-time traveling team, making every game a home game in a Harlem Globetrotters fashion. The team will still officially remain the “Tampa Rays,” however when they’re in other cities they will adapt that cities name first ie. Miami Rays, Seattle Rays, and due to a pending owners dispute, still the South Pyongyang Rays.
“It was a logical decision,” said Rays 1/50th co-owner, Roger Magtarp. “I invested a lot of money into a clown college in Chattanooga, and nobody goes to it, and nobody cares about it, so I figured if I could get the Rays to play one game a year in my city, that might get some people into my clown college! I didn’t hesitate to take the opportunity!”
Magtarp was able to buy his portion of the team through a trade amongst other co-owners. “I brought a family bucket of KFC to one of the other co-owners’ house, he was there with like 6 other co-owners having a slumber party, and two guys said, ‘if you give us a breast and a thigh, we’ll give you part of the Tampa Bay Rays,’ and I thought, ‘hell KFC is far away, get your own damn chicken!’” Magtarp’s eyes got big. “But then I thought, ‘hell why not, maybe it’ll be worth something one day!’”
The Rays new schedule will not feature exclusively major league teams, as the Rays have started scheduling matches against local colleges during spring training, and children’s birthday parties and bar mitzvahs.
“We’re really just doing anything we can to get a small amount of money,” said one of the co-owners who wasn’t wearing a name tag. “I know it seems like an inconvenience to make players travel for an entire season, but we just don’t care, we were all friends in high school, so it’s kind of an excuse for us to get together and party even though we tell our wives it’s a ‘business trip.’”
The tropicana stadium will still stand and host the Rays twice a year, however the team is still worried they won’t be able to fill up the seats.