Tampa Theatre to Hold Special Screening of ‘Cats: The Butthole Cut’

To celebrate the reopening of the historical Tampa Theatre, one of America’s most elaborate movie palaces will have a one-time only screening of the fabled butthole cut of the infamous 2019 remake of ‘Cats’.

“As a registered nonprofit, we have to do everything we can to bounce back from this one,” said Theatre manager Casper the Friendly Ghost.  “We had to let go all the people who volunteer for us go because we can’t afford to pretend to pay them.”

Casper then led me on an exclusive tour around the beautiful restored theatre.

“As you can see, this is the best place to watch a movie in Tampa, and maybe the whole world,” said Casper in a spooky voice. “Once we show ‘Cats: The Butthole Cut’ we will once again become the number one destination for Cinema in Tampa.”

Casper then warped into the shape of a human cat person with a butthole. 

“You see this?” Casper said while pointing at his butt.  “This is controversial. Can you believe it?”

I was grossed out and tried to walk away but Casper appeared in front of me, continuing to haunt me with the image of a humanoid cat person with a butthole not digitally removed.

“Get away from me you demon!” I yelled while trying to run away, but I tripped and fell into the organ pit, banging my head and breaking my neck on the way down.

My spirit is now forever tied to the Tampa Theatre and I will be ripping tickets at the entrance the night of the ‘Cats: The Butthole Cut’ this Wednesday.