Horoscope for June 23 to June 30, 2019
Ever stare up at the night sky and wonder what the stars are trying to tell you? Well we have a round up for what you can expect this week:
It’s your season baby! The stars are aligning for you to party like it’s 1999 or cry yourself to sleep.
As usual, it’s all about you. Make sure to go outside and loudly proclaim yourself as king/queen. Who’s gonna stop you?
Beware of your cat. This week he will finally do what he’s been plotting.
Why is the sky so scary? How have you not noticed before? The sky is falling. Oh god. It’s falling.
This week you will be just as evil as you pretend to be the rest of the year. All hail our overlord of darkness.
It’s your time to shine! Get naked and dance around in the middle of the street. The people honking are just jealous.
It is finally time to go to war. Does war mean overseas, or does it mean facing your in-laws and finally telling them the truth about your third genital? Time will tell.
The orange glowing eyes grow more terrifying every day.
Return to the sea, you slippery fish! Swim in your salty domain! Get caught on a fisherman’s hook!
The government is definitely conspiring against you. Be afraid. Be very afraid.
Make sure to stop and smell the roses. Remember that wherever there are roses there are bees, and you will definitely get stung. Also remember you are deathly allergic to bee stings.
The racoons are coming for you.