Vipers Prove They Truly are a Tampa Bay Team

The ignagural 2020 season game for the Tampa Bay Vipers saw our heroes face off in New Jersey, the home of the New York Guardians.

The biggest takeaway from the game had to be the Xbox controller used by the official replay box reviewer. This confirmed many theories that the XFL is not actually a real football game, but is in fact a new holographic video game currently in Beta testing.

This means all the drama and excitement (or lack there of) was being controlled and manipulated by one guy in a box suite of the MetLife stadium.

That would explain why many of the fans in the stadium looked more like generic crowd background models from the game Guitar Hero, than actual drunk football fans.

Many times, in-game glitches would arise and officials would scramble to correct the issue before anyone noticed the irregularities. 

The XFL hologram video game uses new technology that projects uniforms and footballs on to a set of Westworld-inspired robots, many of which were rejected clones from a facility that specialized in CTE research.

The only actual person on the field was Vipers Coach Marc Trestman who is blissfully unaware that he is part of an elaborate prank that is mirroring his worst nightmares.

The game itself was fun to watch and went through many of necessary emotions for the team to be considered a “Tampa Bay” team. 

One Viper punched a guy, two different QBs with separate sets of strengths didn’t increase our chances of scoring a touchdown, and our defense had trouble with their only job.

Programmers are hard at work fixing bugs for next weeks games and the XFL developers hope to work out all the kinks before the championship game this April.