Skip to content

With spring in full bloom, ass eating season is officially over

Tampa Meteorology Center – Hillsborough County – Friday, 2.22.2019

As Florida’s six week winter comes to a close, so do the mouths of residents who eat ass. It’s late February, it’s 85 degrees, swamp ass is back. Luckily for local love birds we had a Valentine’s Day under 70 degrees so it was safe to eat the booty.

With rising temperatures, comes rising concerns for many ass eaters. Eating ass is like being a teacher, you should take the summers off.

An anonymous source tells Tampa News Force. “I️ have a beard, if I️ eat ass in the summer my face smells like a WNBA locker room.” Most agree summer lovin’ shouldn’t include pleasures of the booty due to the high humidity, others however say it gives it a little zing.

CDC officials released this statement, “I️ can’t walk to my mailbox and back this time of year without my asshole turning into a hot fresh bowl of Pho, if you’re going to eat ass this time of year it needs to be right after a shower and in the AC.” See you assholes in the fall!