5 ways to tell you’re from Tampa

You ate at Wawa for breakfast, lunch, and dinner the last 6 days.

• If you think Wawa is an acceptable place to eat 3 times a day you are from Tampa.

You cut the front of the I-4 line 

• You’ve realized that you can drive directly to the front of the line to merge with I-4 from 275 South.

You don’t bother going downtown

• You know that there’s nothing actually downtown so you go to St. Petersburg or Ybor or Hyde Park and just completely avoid downtown unless you have a reservation at CW’s Gin Joint, but good luck knowing which day 6 months from now you’ll be hungry for Palomas and rich desserts. 

You miss the Centro Ybor AMC

• That was such a good movie theater, I miss it. We all miss it. Not like Fun Lan, we don’t really miss that as much. I mean you can if you want to, I just haven’t heard that many great things from others and I indulged one time and really did not understand the appeal at all. I guess I can imagine before modern comforts a drive-in movie could be considered quaint, but good lord, it’s barely endurable in a summer heat so sit in your fucking car listening to the radio. Maybe if you’re confined to your car or you just really enjoy your cars seats specifically, but for an average movie-goer like myself, this was a terrible f***ing idea.

You’re friends with pro wrestlers

• The ultimate sign of Tampanianship is knowing professional wrestlers. They’re everywhere and they’re the best. Physical and mental specimens we get to absorb on a daily basis. Osmosis of intellect and strength is a cornerstone of local society. We live amongst Greek Gods and I believe that kind of cross-pollination of humanity will breed the prime race without the need or any sort of cruel genocide or eugenics. Sun, sweat, white claw carbonated alcoholic beverages, and nacho’s with lime sauce.
  What is lime sauce? You might ask.
  Well, lime sauce is a sauce made with lime.
  That’s what it is.
  The name is pretty on the dot.
  Anyways, we love wrestlers, they love us, we coexist and cohabitate and it’s the best case scenario for any sort of city-living so acknowledging, accepting, and rejoicing this is the number one sign that you are indeed from the TPA.