Posts by Matty P. Bill$
Eight Wiggle-Butt Pileup at Tampa Corgi Races
Tampa Bay Downs – Hillsborough County – Tuesday, 7.16.19 Sunday, June 30th marked the Third Annual Tampa Bay Corgi Races at the Tampa Bay Downs. This event replaces horses with corgis for an all-out 50 yard-sprint for the furry competitors to crown the ‘Fastest Corgi in Tampa.’ Wet-nosed woofles gathered from all around the Tampa Bay…
Read More60 Foot Stripper Emerges From Tampa Bay to Fight Godzilla
Hillsborough River – Hillsborough County – Tuesday, 7.9.19 During Tampa Bay’s inaugural ‘Boom by the Bay’ Fourth of July fireworks celebration, a rogue mortar fell into the water of the Hillsborough River and exploded. The shockwave from this single blast of red, white, and blue projectile was enough to awaken Candi, the 60-foot stripper, from…
Read MoreJane Castor Announces New Law Enforcement Initiative
Tampa Riverwalk – Hillsborough County – Tuesday 4.16.2019 Tampa mayoral front runner and former police chief, Jane Castor, unveiled her plan to further reign in Tampa’s crime issues during a press conference today. “Under my watch, this great city saw a 70% decrease in violent crime,” said Castor in a pre-taped segment “We must work…
Read MoreTampa to add Human Growth Hormone to water supply to promote citywide gains
Tampa Wastewater Treatment Center – Hillsborough County – Sunday 2.17.2019 Bob Buckhorn has announced today that the City of Tampa will begin the addition of Human Growth Hormone (HGH) to its public reservoir. “I believe this is a necessary step in order for us to transform our citizens from scrawny-ass pencil necks, into the muscle-bound…
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