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“Boys Night Out” for Brady saves Bucs season

Tom's Night Out

With what has seemed like uncharacteristically erratic behavior from Buccaneers starting quarterback and all-time NFL great Tom Brady recently, widely speculated to stem from conflict within his relationship with his wife Gisele Bündchen, the team decided to intervene and arranged for a “boys night out” to lift Brady’s spirits and re-focus him on the 2022…

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Bucs excited to try out new protective headgear

New Bucs Helmets

When the Tampa Bay Buccaneers kick off the 2022 season tonight in Dallas against the Cowboys, they’ll be sporting new helmets, designed by the Nintendo corporation for maximum protection against head injuries. “Nobody is as ahead of the curve in terms of protecting their characters more than the video game industry,” said Mike Rivers, Buccaneers…

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Bucs release special edition jersey

Schrodinger

The Tampa Bay Buccaneers have unveiled a new jersey for fans to wear during the upcoming 2022 season, which will kick off on Sunday, September 11, against the Cowboys in Dallas, Texas. “It’s a number 12 jersey and pays tribute to not only our own Tom Brady but also Nobel Prize-winning Austrian-Irish physicist Erwin Schrödinger!”…

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Giselle, “I forgot to do ritual for Lightning”

Giselle

Giselle Bündchen, super model and wife of Buccaneers Quarterback Tom Brady, has admitted that she forgot to do a ritual for the Tampa Lightning. “I’ve been so busy doing rituals for my own family and my husband that it just slipped my mind.” She said. “I’m sorry, I know if I had just placed a…

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No winners declared at last night’s BKFC event

BKFC

Following the Burger King Fighting Challenge that occurred last night at the Burger King at 7450 E. Hillsborough in Tampa, the location’s manager said that there were no winners. “It’s safe to say nobody won”, Keith Dunkirk said. “Because they were all losers.” “For starters, the brawl began when a customer got fries instead of…

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Future news: Lightning win 65th consecutive Stanley Cup

Future Man

A man claiming to be from the future is claiming that the Lightning win 65 straight Stanley Cups in the coming years. Jedidiah Bunchkin, a professional time traveler, showed up to the Tampa News Force offices and said that the Lightning would win 65 championships in the future, and I told him that we lost…

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Tampa Bay Lightning changes their name to Tampa Bay Pikachus

TB Pikachu

In a shocking first this week, the now former Tampa Bay Lightning have become the first major US sports team to change their mascot to a Pokémon. With abstract and fantasy based mascots like the Dragons, the Heat, and Jazz, this natural progression in branding seems almost inevitable.  “As long as it still relates to…

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How to help Tom Brady

Help Brady

To ensure Tom Brady has the best opportunity to win a Super Bowl again in Tampa, follow these tips to help him live the most productive and comfortable life possible. Do not drive on the road between 4-9 AM Tom likes early morning workouts, and to guarantee he doesn’t have to deal with any traffic,…

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