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The Rock offers Vipers back to Tampa Bay

Vegas TB Vipers

XFL League Owner Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, with the full, enthusiastic backing of the City of Las Vegas, Nevada, has offered the league’s team franchise known as the Vipers back to the Tampa Bay region where it originated in 2020. “Here. You guys want this?” he queried. “You can have it.” “Yes, absolutely. It’s yours…

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Rays decide to wrap up ‘23 season

Following a 4-0 win over the Detroit Tigers to open the 2023 Major League Baseball season, the Tampa Bay Rays have decided that they’re done for the year. “We had great pitching and defense, obviously. I mean, we shut them out,” said Rays manager Kevin Cash. “Plus, timely hitting with power. You really can’t ask…

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MLB installs Bitch Clock at Tropicana Field

Bitch Clock

Major League Baseball (MLB) is implementing a number of changes for the 2023 season, including rule changes, larger bases and a clock that will limit time taken between pitches. One of these changes will be specific to Tampa Bay Rays games at Tropicana Field. In order to facilitate complaints about the much-maligned domed home stadium…

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DeSantis DeNounces ‘Woke Baseball Classic’, Declares USA Winner

Last night in Miami, Florida Governor Ron DeSantis issued a proclamation honoring the team representing the United States in the recently completed World Baseball Classic as the rightful winners of the global tournament. “I don’t care what the scoreboard said, baseball is America’s game, America is number one and America is the winner,” he said,…

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Little League team forced to practice in secrecy


The Palma Ceia Little League Minor B Rangers have gone into hiding to practice for the upcoming season due to the DeSantis administration’s recent efforts to suppress Black history education initiatives. “I don’t think it necessarily qualifies as Black history,” said Rangers head coach Greg Sanders. “But I guess you really can’t be too careful…

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Diehard Vipers fan just found out team no longer exists

Tyler Gertle, a self-described “superfan” of the XFL’s Tampa Bay Vipers has just become aware that his favorite team doesn’t even exist anymore. “I was at Applebees Saturday night and there was some football game on, between teams representing Houston and Orlando. I was like, ‘oh, Orlando has a new lower tier, bush league football…

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Clearwater bookie refuses to accept Super Bowl prop bet

Cliff Sizzli of Clearwater, operating from a home “office”, offers a service to people by transacting illegal, unsanctioned bets of all kinds on sporting events. But there’s one bet he refused to consider for this year’s Super Bowl. “Novelty or exotic bets are a good sideline for me. And I’ll book almost anything, from individual…

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Super Bowl boycotts Tom Brady

For the second time in 3 years, the NFL Super Bowl has boycotted Tom brady without any explanation. “Just because we lose, doesn’t mean Tom shouldn’t be in the Super Bowl.” Said Chet Lamley, 4th-string running receiver for the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. “We’re working on changing the rules of the league so Tom will be…

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DeSantis Announces Teen Menstrual Blood Collection Program

In an effort to ban trans youth from playing school sports, teen girls will now be forced to personally supply Florida Governor Ron DeSantis with a vial of menstrual blood every month. “It’s the only way to make sure that no chicks with dicks are taking advantage of the sacred pastime that is school sports,”…

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