Governor Ron DeSantis prematurely ejaculated into his pants Wednesday morning while getting his nose swabbed for a Covid-19 test. He then farted loudly and turned to the press cameras and went “oopsies!”
This coming only shortly after he recently came his pants while giving an impassioned speech on television about, “how everyone got it wrong, and Florida is doing great.”
The governors issue with soiling his trousers at every day facets of his job has put a damper on his political image and some fear he may not get re-elected.
“Is there another election for his job coming soon?” Asked Helen Lector, a local business-woman who owns her own store selling crystals and repurposed glass bottle art on River Walk.
“I’m not sure.” I told her.
“I don’t know exactly how often these things happen.” I said
Then the woman walked away.
DeSantis stated during his post-covid-test conference that he’s, “not sorry,” and he will probably, “do something like this again. Probably worse.”
The press all begrudgingly shrugged and shuffled out slowly.
DeSantis then pulled up his diaper and stumbled out of the room, visibly inebriated, most likely suffering from toxic shock syndrome from the tampon soaked in alcohol, who’s string you can see dangling out from the back of DeSantis diaper.
Anyways, just kidding, we love you DeSantis! I don’t think you’re that bad I like your demeanor it feels like I’m watching law & order or some kind of boring sitcom, it’s not that bad! So I hope you’re doing well and if you’d like to do an in-person on-camera interview, feel free to reach out at email@example.com