Hillsborough County Schools to Enforce Mandatory STD Testing
HCPS Administrative Building – Hillsborough County – Tuesday, 4.30.2019
As part of a new initiative to combat STDs in schools, students in Hillsborough County will now be forced to prove that they are free of STDs before they can start their upcoming semester.
“Even if they have minor STDs, we’ll still let them learn online through our virtual public school,” says Hillsborough County School Administrator Douglas Reacharound, “I teach online classes when I’m not administrating and it is really hard to get an STD through a computer.”
Reacharound showed me a power point presentation of all the STDs the children of Hillsborough County have been known to get, “The one thing each of these STD cases have in common, is that the kids didn’t go to online school.” Reacharound spoke to me in a very impatient manner as if I should already know what STDs look like, “I’m sure you’ve had friends who got stuff and they show you and ask, hey I got this do you want it too?”
“I went to public school here in Florida and I never got an STD,” I said to him wondering if he was joking around with me.
“Well you look like a loser, kids these days are super cool and they are getting STDs and smoking Juuls,” Reacharound closed the power point presentation and asked me if I had any further questions.
“Does the STD test hurt?” I asked him.
“Yes, it’s unbelievably painful,” he said to me with a straight face without breaking eye contact. “In fact, if you allow me to give you an STD, we can cure it and it will make this story a little bit more fun for your readers.”
“That is a good idea,” I said.
Reacharound then proceeded to perform some acts on me that he said he learned from his teacher when he went to public school in Florida. After contracting the STD, he informed me that he accidentally gave me one of the incurable ones.
“Yeah sorry about that,” he said while pulling his pants back on and going back to his computer to answer some emails.
I stood in his office for a while, waiting for more of an explanation but he seemed really busy and I went home to cry in the shower.
Parents are encouraged to get their kids tested this summer before school starts again.