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Independent bought by Goldman Sachs

The beloved Seminole Heights, Best of the Bay-winning establishment, Independent, has been bought by Goldman Sachs, the investment bank company.

“I’m sure you’re all familiar with the movie ‘Trading Places’ and are aware that billionaires do some pretty whacky things out of boredom or other strange reasons, and in this case we got a real kick out of buying a business with an ironic name, so this is funny for us because we’re the furthest thing from Independent, we’re very codependent on people we can screw over on a daily basis!” Laughed Edgar Goldman, Co founder of Goldman Sachs.

No changes will be made to the business, and it’s not even clear whether anyone from Goldman Sachs will be coming to the location anytime soon.

“We have no interest in visiting the place, we just knew it was a well-functioning business so we acquired it. You think me or my brother Donnie Sachs would ever come to Tampa?” Laughed Edgar again through the Skype call.

“Edgar who are you talking to over there?” Said a voice from out of frame.

“Nothing Donnie!” Yelled Edgar sheepishly, containing a snicker.

“I bought you something silly for Flag Day this year Donnie, you’ll see what it is soon!”

Then Edgar closed his laptop and the call ended.

The management has assured us that nothing will change in any way with the business, however now they will have a unique opportunity to fight the oppressor from the inside with their new personal connection to the nefarious elite.

John Jacobs

About John Jacobs

MTV Reality TV Star and Award-Winning Tampa News Force Correspondent. Subscribe to YouTube Channel, Follow on Twitter: @MaybachDiamonds Instagram: @MaybachDiamonds


  1. Avatar Willie on September 19, 2020 at 12:09 pm

    Another tax write off.