Posts Tagged ‘horoscope 2021’
TNF Horoscopes from Tampa Bay’s #7 Astrologer Chris Coon. Week of August 1
Aries Hey Aries, Damn, your whole fuckin’ shit is in retrograde, dude. Fuck. Sorry man. Taurus Good news! They found the cure for acid reflux—a deep and friend-alienating love of our Dear Lord Jesus Christ who Died For Our Sins. You’ll lose a lot of friends and decorate your apartment in a really annoying way.…
Read MoreTNF Horoscopes from Tampa Bay’s #6 Astrologer Chris Coon. Week of June 14
Aries Hey Aries, what’s up! Oh man looks like you’re still gonna be despondent all month but I cannot for the life of me figure out why. There’s something on the tip of my tongue tho. It’s almost like forgetting something at the grocery store y’know? Golly gee I’m close to it. Anyway circle back…
Read MoreTNF Horoscopes from Tampa Bay’s #4 Astrologer Chris Coon. Week of May 18
Aries Based on my assessment of the stars here, hold on let me look at Pluto, ok still in the same house, ok, um hmm… no just one sec…. ah yes! Your future soulmate just died. Oh, ouch I’m sorry, dude. Uhhh hold on, stay tuned though, I feel bad. I’ll try to find you…
Read MoreTNF Horoscopes. Week of April 18
Aries Let’s get serious about your life for a minute, but only for a minute. Once the minute is done you can go back to drinking and partying. Taurus This will be your week to prove to everyone that your internal energy can be used for good, or for making decent cupcakes. Gemini That thing…
Read MoreTNF Horoscopes from Tampa Bay’s #4 Astrologer Chris Coon. Week of April 11
Aries This month, Seriously, SERIOUSLY, keep your fetishes to yourself. Not gonna happen. Taurus AIDS. Gemini This month, you’re going to either slip a disc at your job, but be denied disability, or get a killer beej. One of the two. Cancer The best part of your upcoming month will be the $28 you find…
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