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Top 5 Cleanest Bathrooms to do Cocaine

Bathrooms to do cocaine in

Doing cocaine in Tampa is like visiting Disney when in Orlando. If you’re on the search for the perfect place to do cocaine while hanging out in the Tampa Bay area, we’ve got you covered!

5. MacDinton’s

"Are you trying to fight me bro?" MacDinton's Soho, a true cocaine bathroom paradise

This college bar on South Howard has the perfect bathrooms to do cocaine in, because not only are they packed so everyone sees/hears you doing coke (making you the alpha), there’s a door guy with candy and cologne so you can leave a completely changed man. Plus, being on cocaine in this place will make you the talk of the town, barely legal alcohol consumers will be walking around side-eyeing you harder than Rick Scott at a strip club. You want to do more cocaine, you go back into those community bathrooms and maybe you make some friends, maybe they help you get laid, which brings us back to the ‘Top 5 Places To Get Laid’ which you can reference here. These bathrooms are for cocaine users who are secure in their use, and are not worried about others judging them, because they know that everyone else in MacDinton’s has their own demons so they have no right to judge you.

4. Bradley’s

Bradley's on 7th, a wonderful gay bar to do cocaine in

This gay bar on 7th avenue is coming in at the #4 spot because like MacDinton’s your cocaine use will be very known the moment you snort in there because it’s close quarters, (a la bathroom) and odds are there will be many other people within earshot, meaning you will instantly become a hit and probably land yourself a future date or even a kiss from a new friend. It’s relatively clean, and cocaine added to the equation does nothing but good things on every social level. People become more tolerable, the decor becomes more appropriate, the music actually sounds good. Also, It’s a premium location pertaining to proximity of other pristine bathrooms.

3. Tampa International Airport

Tampa International Airport, great place to do cocaine

TPA is #3 on this list because sometimes you forget you have cocaine in your pocket before you board an airplane so you’re forced to do all of it in the bathroom before you go through security making the guards think you’re just really excited to travel to Des Moines. If you have to do cocaine in a bathroom this is one of the best places, because all walks of life go through these bathrooms and there’s a lot of airborne illness, so snorting is just a regular noise you hear in those places, making your cocaine use very discreet. Also, everyone is completely out of it in airports, so your change in demeanor will most likely go unnoticed, letting you enjoy your high in whatever way you choose. 

2. Tampa Improv

Improv Tampa

Are you about to go on stage and perform for a sold out crowd? Right before the show starts, these are the perfect bathrooms to do cocaine in. They’re absolutely desolate and moderately clean, because they sanitize them shortly before the first show, so everything is spic-and-span. Enjoy your cocaine use in an upscale, private, fashion making you feel like a VIP. Now at this point I have to make it very clear that this is a joke because I work at the Improv. I perform there regularly, and I would hate if a fake article about people hypothetically doing cocaine in their bathroom hindered my business relationship with them, because I’ve been performing there for about 9 years now, and it would be a shame for something so silly as an ironically funny article to hurt my career with a comedy club. I’m clean now and I have been for a long time, I don’t do cocaine at all. But anyways, the Tampa Improv is coming in at #2 on the list of top 5 cleanest bathrooms to do cocaine in!

1. Your Own Bathroom

Your Bathroom, the best place to do cocaine

Are you waking up for a long day at the office? Are you trying to hide your cocaine use from your roommates? Do you just plain-old want to have a good time? No place better to do cocaine than in your own bathroom! The irony is that because it’s your own bathroom, that means your home, which means you really don’t even need to do cocaine in the bathroom, you could just do it in your room, or living room, or kitchen, there’s a number of options if you live in an apartment/house, with studios being the only exception. Your own bathroom is the cleanest even if it isn’t because at least you know who’s been using it and what everything in there is. You have a lot of autonomy in this situation. Lots of control. Also you’re in the safest possible location, very minimal risk of legal consequences, seeing as it’s your residence, and you would have to have really negative roommates to call the police on you and harsh your vibe like that. As long as you have decent roommates, or live alone, you’re in a very strong situation doing cocaine in your own bathroom. Very safe. Aside from the physical wear and tear from the cocaine use. The scenario is safe. The drug use is very much not. In fact it’s extremely detrimental and should never be done, ever. Treating your body to an unnatural, undeserved, high will alter your perception of pleasure and joy until you’re able to leave clean again. You will never truly know love or happiness under the influence of heavy stimulants. Any narcotics really. Except marijuana and alcohol, and sometimes valium, those are fine. 

John Jacobs

About John Jacobs

MTV Reality TV Star and Award-Winning Tampa News Force Correspondent. Subscribe to YouTube Channel, Follow on Twitter: @MaybachDiamonds Instagram: @MaybachDiamonds