Posts by Chingy Lopez
You can turn in your Gasparilla beads for a free lap dance
A new promotion by Teasers Strip Club aims to get patrons to stop tossing Gasparilla beads in to the Hillsborough River by letting folks exchange them for a free lap dance. “We love the sea animals, especially the manatees,” said local stripper Nate Roscoe. “I’m the only person the promotion is good for, I’m a…
Read MoreTampa Premium Outlets Opens All-You-Can-Steal Store
To attract new shoppers to the unexciting Tampa Premium Outlet mall, a brand new shopping experience is opening up that mall owners hope will leave guest running back for more. “We got tired of shutting everything down in hopes of catching thieves,” said mall security guard and co-owner of the outlet mall, Wryngo Shtrar. “We…
Read MoreChick-Fil-A to Award Drunkest Person at Gasparilla with Unlimited Nuggets for Life
As part of a new promotion with Chick-Fil-A, the drunkest person arrested at Gasparilla will be handsomly rewarded with unlimited chicken nuggets for the rest of their life. “I’m getting ready now,” said Rirlarn Uwachys. “I’ve been drinking non-stop for the past two days.” Uwachys said before vomiting all over my shoes. “I’m so sorry,”…
Read MoreTPD arrest thousands of parents for letting children drink at Gasparilla Children’s Parade
In what was supposed to be a nice booze-free afternoon with bead throwing and lollygagging, has turned in to a scene of adorable drunken display. Kids as young as four-years-old were given bottles of alcohol by their parents to, “Enjoy the parade more,” said TPD spokeperson Miuers Pish, “I saw parents handing their kids baby…
Read MoreReal life game of ‘Chutes and Ladders’ coming to Downtown Tampa
The streets of Downtown Tampa are about to get a whole lot more fun this weekend as the city is set to transform the Rivergate Tower into the largest game of Chutes and Ladders. Participants will start at the bottom of the ‘Sykes’ Rivergate Tower, also known as the “Beer Can” and “Saints and Sinners…
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