Posts by Clark Brooks
USF to honor esteemed tech innovator
The University of South Florida (USF) is presenting an honorary degree to digital pioneer genius Robert Hirschsquirtz at commencement ceremonies in Tampa later today. “There are a lot of hugely influential individuals out there in the world of technology, but few have had the massive, positive effect on people’s lives that Mr. Hirschsquirtz has,” said…
Read MoreAl-Qaeda praises Florida State Representative Jeff Holcomb
Florida State Representative Jeff Holcomb, a Republican representing District 53 in Hernando County and a lieutenant in the US Naval Reserve stated during remarks on the House floor Monday that “… our terrorist enemies hate homosexuals more than we do”. “Isis, the Taliban, and Al-Qaeda, those are the folks who discriminate. We bombed a building…
Read MoreTampa woman’s lunch bill summons Satan
Sharon Bulbly was eating lunch at Panera Bread in Tampa, part of an American chain store of bakery-café fast casual restaurants yesterday when her tab inadvertently summoned Satan, also known as the Devil and sometimes also called Lucifer in Christianity, an entity in the Abrahamic religions that seduces humans into sin or falsehood in order to bring…
Read MoreTampa man can’t decide which “official after party” to attend
Stu LeSample, a fax machine salesman from Tampa recently attended a concert at the Whatever It’s Called Now Ampitheatre and doesn’t know which “official after party” he should go to. ”According to my windshield wipers, it looks like there are about eight of them,” he said, motioning to the pile of event flyers someone placed…
Read MoreSt. Pete man ready to start being afraid of children
Grant Ligwitz of St. Petersburg has come to the realization that he might be at the point in his life where he should start being afraid of children. “I’m not old by any means, but I’m also not getting any younger,” he said. “I’m 38!” He said the idea occurred to him on a recent…
Read MoreWriters strike not expected to impact Tampa News Force
The looming strike by the Writers Guild of America (WGA) will have a major affect on the film and television industries in Hollywood but is not expected to have any impact on Tampa News Force (TNF) at all. “First of all, we’re not members of the Guild,” said TNF Labor Services spokesperson Kevin ‘Kevvy Kev’…
Read MoreWhite man accused of being white
Mike Claypot of St. Petersburg is recovering from being accused of being white. Claypot, who is white, was discussing popular music with a group of friends who just happen to be African-American because all of their parents just happen to be African-Americans. Amid references to Drake, Chance the Rapper and The Weeknd, Claypot interjected and…
Read MoreStudent prank calls teacher a hundred million times
8-year-old Todd Testerton earned the admiration of classmates at Roosevelt Elementary School in Tampa by deftly executing a brilliant prank on teacher Helen Kwirth. “I found her home phone number and I called her at least a hundred million times,” said Testerton. “I just kept calling and when she answered I hung up. Over and…
Read MoreTampa driver suddenly realizes there are other people on the road
Jim Klumwart, who commutes to and from his home in Temple Terrace to his job in downtown Tampa at least five days a week just became aware of the fact that the other cars in traffic are being driven by other human beings. “I was doing my regular morning routine, driving to work and not…
Read MoreTucker Carlson takes job at driving range in Tampa
Recently fired Fox News pundit Tucker Carlson has accepted a position with Rogers Park Golf Course in Tampa, on a temporary basis, until he finds something in broadcasting again. “Yeah, sure. I guess there are still a couple of networks he hasn’t been fired from,” said Mark Eaglebirdie, Director of Golf at the historic course…
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