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Hillsborough Sheriff declares war on punctuation

Burning trash

Friends of Chad Chronister, a political action committee that supports Hillsborough County Sheriff Chad Chronister, recently announced a campaign event that signals the beginning of fundraising for the sheriff’s re-election campaign as well as an effort to re-purpose punctuation. The committee recently sent out invitations reading: Join Sheriff Chad Chronister For An Unforgettable Night of…

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Relatively unattractive person is missing or something, nobody cares

Missing Person

A woman from the Town and Country neighborhood of Tampa has not been seen for over a week and nobody really cares because by comparison to other women, she’s not very attractive. Sheriff Chad Chronister addressed local media about the situation yesterday. “The subject’s name is Marcy Garner. She’s 32-years-old, overweight with red hair, bad…

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Arrest warrant issued for Door Dash ad announcer


A joint arrest warrant has been issued by multiple Tampa Bay law enforcement agencies for the apprehension of the woman who does the DoorDash ads heard on various local radio stations several times a day, frustrating commuters. “We are seeking the public’s assistance in bringing this menace to justice”, said Pinellas County Sheriff Bob Gaultieri.…

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Prostitution sting nets 71, including this one guy in particular

Operation Interception

Hillsborough deputies have arrested more than 70 people in what has been labeled “Operation Interception”, a monthlong undercover prostitution sting, Sheriff Chad Chronister announced Monday. Between December 7, 2020 and January 9, 2021, undercover detectives posted online ads and female detectives posed as prostitutes on the street, resulting in the arrest of 71 men who…

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Hillsborough Sheriffs mount manhunt for missing Patriots fans

New England Patriots owner Robert Kraft is enlisting the help of the Hillsborough County Sheriffs Department to find hundreds, maybe thousands of Patriots fans who have suddenly disappeared. “Mr. Kraft has brought it to our attention that several of the most devoted supporters of his football team are missing,” said Sheriff Chad Cronister at a…

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