Posts Tagged ‘lakeland’
Angry God expected to rain out minor league baseball game
God, the revered, reviled, feared, ineffable, unpredictable and misunderstood supreme Christian deity, is very angry that the Tampa Tarpons have a female manager, according to a self-appointed human spokesperson. “The Almighty takes a dim view of this kind of abomination,” said Delores Shtiffy of Seffner, referring to Rachel Balkovec, the first female manager in the…
Read MoreLakeland man unsure about visiting website
Clinton Dilson of Lakeland has found a website that intrigues him but he’s afraid to actually click the link. “It’s HotTotz.com and I’m not exactly sure what kind of content there is,” he said, his right index finger hovering over the left-click button on his mouse. “Could be food, specifically spicy tater tots, or it…
Read MoreTampa Bay Vipers sponsor snake orgy
“Typically, a fan fest consists of opportunities to meet the players, take pictures, get autographs and buy tickets and merchandise. I thought, ‘if we can’t do that, what’s the next best thing?’ and the answer is obvious: a bunch of snakes having sex!”
Read MoreLand O’ Lakes/Lakeland begin formal talks over who ripped off who
The two towns of Land O’ Lakes and Lakeland have opened up a formal dialogue between local committees over which town officially ripped off the other towns name. “It’s clearly just our town’s name reworded,” Said Clyde Dale, resident of Lakeland. “We named our town Lakeland because it’s a land of many lakes, then those…
Read More