Recent transplant from Vermont helpfully points out that fall is different in Florida

Bill Titwad, who recently moved to Tampa from Burlington, Vermont, has made the unique observation that autumn is very different in Florida.

“It’s been fall for a whole week and it’s still 90 degrees all the time,” he said, becoming the first person ever to point that out. “Leaves aren’t changing colors. It’s like summer just keeps going.”

He says he lives here now basically against his will.

“I had to move here because I didn’t want to pay state income tax anymore. I had no choice,” he said.

He’s trying to adapt but his disappointment with autumn in Florida weighs heavily upon him.

“No hayrides, no crisp morning air, no colorful leaves, no corn mazes, no homemade maple syrup, no apples, no cable-knit sweaters. You people don’t know what you’re doing,” he offered helpfully for the sake of all the dummies who live here and never noticed the absence of those things before. “You have pumpkin patches but it’s just some guys selling pumpkins unlike up north where it’s merchants lovingly making pumpkins available for sale. Not even close to the same thing.”

“I can only imagine how ridiculous winter is around here,” he added, giving local yokels yet another thing to ponder about their sub-Vermont existence.