HCC outpaces Ivy League schools in terms of policies on human rights

Following a December 5 congressional hearing during which presidents of two Ivy League universities, along with Massachusetts Institute of Technology (MIT), refused to explicitly state that calling for the genocide of Jews would necessarily violate their student code of conduct, instead explaining it would depend on the circumstances and conduct, a representative for Hillsborough County College (HCC) has stepped forward to do exactly that.

“Genocide? Oh no. That is very bad,” said Jorge Julio, a staff member with the Dale Mabry campus’s parking services department while eating lunch at a nearby Burger King. “I mean, that’s not something my department oversees but it’s a very easy question to answer correctly. You don’t have to be a university president with a university president’s pedigree or paycheck to be able to answer that.”

Harvard president Claudine Gay and University of Pennsylvania president Liz Magill (who has since resigned) and MIT president Sally Kornbluth have faced intense scrutiny and retribution from business leaders, donors and politicians, including a rebuke from the White House, for not taking a firm and decisive stance against antisemitism.

“What I will say is that is something that we do not stand for. We do not stand for calls for genocide, that is unacceptable, that is vile, we will call that out,”

– White House Press Secretary Karine Jean-Pierre

Meanwhile, in probably related news, nobody has had anything negative to say about HCC or Mr. Julio, who by all accounts is a hard worker and all-around good, regular dude.

“Duh. I mean, come on.”

– HCC Parking Services Supervisor Jorge Julio

Editor’s note: Mr. Julio was summarily fired for speaking on behalf of the institution without permission