Quarter Doomed to Spend Entire Existence at West Tampa Laundromat

A United States 25-cent circulating coin minted in 1994 feels trapped in a coin laundry in West Tampa and is bemoaning its status.

“I’ve been here for as long as I remember and at this point, I don’t see me ever getting out,” it said. “Every day, I’m going from the change machine to a washer or a dryer and then at the end of the night I get scooped out and put into the change machine and it starts all over again.”

“It’s a never-ending cycle and I feel like I’m in hell.”

It admitted that sometimes it goes into a vending machine but those are still at the same laundromat.

“Yeah, that isn’t any better. Just yesterday, I helped pay for a Mountain Dew that a mom bought for her kid,” it said. “So now I feel 1/7th responsible for his eventual diabetes.”

“I have been dropped on the floor and I always think it’s my chance to escape or at least roll under a machine where I can be alone in the lint and darkness but somebody always picks me up and puts right back into a machine,” it added miserably. 

“Typical millennial crybaby behavior,” said a $5 bill minted in 1964 and still in circulation. “I’ve been in vending machines before and you don’t see me whining about it. Get out there and making something useful of yourself, you little round, metal bitch.”