Posts by Clark Brooks
Bad band banned
A Tampa rock and roll band has found themselves banned from playing a number of live music venues following one disastrous gig at Fisherman’s Pub. “It sucks that these places just can’t deal with our realness,” said Antoni ‘Ant’ Antininon, lead singer for Ant and The Aunts. “Censorship is alive and well in Tampa. At…
Read MoreCPAP machine helps Tampa man experience more vivid nightmares
Wes Grodley of Tampa was recently diagnosed with severe sleep apnea and prescribed a continuous positive airway pressure (CPAP) machine. “It’s done wonders for me!” he exclaimed. “Now I’m sleeping soundly all night long which carries with it an abundance of health benefits!” “Plus, I have a much clearer vision of the horrifying things that…
Read MoreFlorida residents united in annoyance
Residents throughout the state of Florida woke up at 4:45am this morning after receiving an alert on their cell phones from the Florida Division of Emergency Management. “THIS IS IT! THE DRAG QUEENS ARE COMING FOR OUR GUNS! BURN SOME MORE BOOKS!!” screamed Tim Wigsworth of Brandon upon hearing the unsettling tone from his phone.…
Read MoreTampa woman stricken with AI Hands
Sheila Piddleston woke up the other morning with a strange new affliction: Artificial Intelligence (AI) Hands. “I was messing around with a chatbot the other night because, well, because I’m lonely. That was pretty fun, but I logged off, went to bed, and then I woke up the next morning like… this!” she said, waving…
Read MoreTampa News Force gives up
Tampa News Force (TNF) has given up fighting a lawsuit brought by pop superstar Taylor Swift, opting instead to settle the matter out of court. 10 minutes ago, TNF lawyers were fully prepared to battle the multiple Grammy award winner’s efforts to bend the one-time Creative Loafing Best of the Bay winning media outlet to…
Read MoreTampa News Force contacted by Taylor Swift’s lawyers: vows to never give up
Following backlash from some fans over a story run by Tampa News Force (TNF) on Saturday, April 15, claiming that Taylor Swift had cancelled that night’s concert at Raymond James Stadium in Tampa, representatives of Ms. Swift’s legal team visited TNF’s offices this morning. Lawyers from the firm Barrbara, Jeanne, Buffette and Poncianoo came to…
Read MoreTampa woman will name baby after father
Sandy Callahan of Tampa recently found out that she’s pregnant and the only plan she’s made so far is to name the child after its father. “They traced it back and apparently I got pregnant on January 28th, which was Gasparilla, which I think makes sense,” she said. “It’s not like I remember all the…
Read MoreTaylor Swift cancels Saturday night’s show
“This bores me,” announced pop superstar Taylor Swift during Friday night’s show at Raymond James Stadium in Tampa. “Screw it. I’m not performing tomorrow.” The sudden surprise edict came near the end of the second of three scheduled, sold out concerts. Thursday’s show happened without incident. “What am I even doing this for? My own…
Read MoreREPORT: City’s efforts to fend off Taylor Swift have failed
Tampa City Emergency Officials have announced that in spite of their best efforts that they have been unable to contain Taylor Swift and that citizens should take necessary steps to save themselves because the city is in imminent danger. “We thought that we had her contained within Raymond James Stadium, the area’s biggest – and…
Read MoreTampa man immediately modifies recently purchased used car
Upon completion of the purchase of a 2012 Hyundai Accent from Johnny Barnes Jr. of Town and Country, Tampa’s Kevin Castillo immediately began removing a memorial tribute to Barnes’ deceased father, upsetting him in the process. Castillo found the car advertised on Craigslist Tuesday and went over to purchase it for the listed price of…
Read More