Community
Nearly 3 million Tampa Bay Residents will do Nothing in Particular Tomorrow
Tomorrow, March 31, is International Trans Day of Visibility and very few people in Tampa Bay have plans to observe the occasion. While local Trans residents plan to march for increasingly limited rights, most residents will be having board game nights or going to Karaoke or doing cocaine in the bathroom of a bar you…
Read MoreTrans ableist micro aggression triggers Taylor Swift fans
Swifties are up in arms after a Trans woman committed an ableist micro aggression in the comment section of Taylor Swifts newest music video “Cum Lover” on YouTube. Comments under the hit new video ranged from praise and love to love and praise and lots of talk about how hard it has been to get…
Read MoreTampa woman claims to “hate” Girl Scout cookies
A woman in Tampa has taken an extremely rare and unpopular stance on one of America’s most beloved traditional institutions: Girl Scout Cookies. “I hate those things,” said Misty Ocean, a fax machine operator at FaxPro, a company that faxes stuff. “Especially Thin Mints,” she said, doubling down for some dumb, unnecessary reason. Asked why…
Read MoreGuy overshares because he has no friends
A man in a bar in St. Pete overshared to a group of people he didn’t know because he doesn’t have friends so he doesn’t know what’s socially appropriate. Jenith Barzone, a computer software destructor, was hanging out in Coopers Copperbarrel Cocktail House and Brewery on 1st avenue, when he found himself at the bar…
Read More5 ideas you should not act on
We all have ideas, I guess. Some you should act upon, and others you should not. Here are 5 ideas you should never act on. Hurt people Sometimes your brain will say “Hey, maybe I should hurt that person.” But you shouldn’t. Unless that person has a knife to you and is telling you they…
Read MoreHyde Park un-gentrifies: opens Popeyes
City developers have begun phase 1 of un-gentrifying South Tampa by opening a Popeye’s in the center of Hyde Park. “This is the worst idea the city has ever had.” Said Penelope Doosche, life-long resident of Hyde Park. “Poor people make my skin hurt, and my eyes water when their around, so this is pretty…
Read MoreSweet Sixteen Ruined by IPA Release
As 16-year-old Molly Johnson eagerly anticipated her Sweet Sixteen party, she never could have predicted that it would fall on the day that a nearby Tampa Heights brewery would release the highly anticipated Hopfucker Quintuple IPA. “I can’t believe this fucking shit is happening,” Molly said, tears streaming down her face. “My fucking Sweet Sixteen…
Read MoreSt. Pete man glad that grooming is now frowned upon
Rich Glombcroft of St. Petersburg is relieved that most people take a dim view of grooming now days. “I’ve been telling people for years that brushing your teeth, clipping your toenails and washing your hair as well as your whole body is not only a waste of time but a crime against nature,” said Glombcroft…
Read MoreDunedin bails on the whole ‘Scotland’ thing
Following a 4-1 vote by the Dunedin City Commission last night, the city has decided to discontinue their long association with Scotland. “That’s enough already,” said Mayor Julie Ward Bujalski. “Visitors didn’t understand it and locals seemed to be getting tired of it. So, that’s that.” “Yeah, yeah, yeah. Gaelic language. Plaid. Bagpipes,” said Commissioner…
Read MoreTampa man forgets how to read
Keith Stumpler of Tampa has forgotten how to read. “I was someplace and a show was on TV in the bar. It was too loud to hear so they had the subtitles turned on. I looked at them to follow the story and realized I didn’t know what all the squiggly characters were and what…
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