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Fugitive who destroyed US currency apprehended in Clearwater

Brad Rimshaw, 42 of Clearwater, a man who committed a federal crime 34 years ago surrendered peacefully to authorities yesterday. “Okay, okay, you got me! Don’t shoot! I am not resisting arrest. I repeat, I AM NOT RESISTING ARREST!” he shouted to Clearwater Police officers Edward Wambaugh and Joseph Conlon who were in the process…

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Thanksgiving tough for Clearwater man with willfully limited vocabulary

Dave Quipler, a 26-year-old man from Clearwater, struggles every year during Thanksgiving due to how he expresses himself. “It all started when I was a toddler,” he says. “For some reason, I don’t even know myself, I just said ‘Happy Assholes’ instead of ‘Happy Thanksgiving’. No real reason; just one of those dumb things little…

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Clearwater woman threatens to give less than her usual 65% at work today

Work

Amber McCambister, a sales clerk at Robust Businessmakers Inc. in Clearwater has to work today, Labor Day, and is not happy about it. “This is bullshit”, she said. “Everybody in the world has the day off today, except for me and hospitality workers, emergency service providers, some medical professionals, people who work in agriculture and…

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Cops find middle-aged white man so unhinged that he can’t have guns

Clearwater Man

Last Wednesday, Clearwater Police Department and the Pinellas County Sheriff’s Office seized the guns of David Berry, who was seen on video being aggressive toward landscapers Jeremy Lee and his daughter while holding an AR-9 rifle earlier this month. On July 7, Berry confronted Mr. Lee and his daughter while they were trying to mow a…

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Clearwater man pulling all kinds of hot chicks via game on his phone

Word Nerd

Jay Bagre of Clearwater is attracting a lot of attention from beautiful women because he plays the popular game “Words With Friends” on his phone. “It’s unbelievable! All these beautiful women reaching out to me through this game because of my vocabulary skills”, he said. “That extra year of English for Academic Purposes I took…

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Clearwater man never speaking to his grandpa again

Grandpa

Due to frustration he experiences while trying to communicate, Mike Dumbar of Clearwater has declared that he is never going to speak to his grandfather again. “I was trying to teach him about cryptocurrency and he just refuses to listen to me,” said Dumbar. “I told him that cryptocurrencies will eventually replace the dollar and…

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Clearwater man advocates for Super Bowl becoming official holiday

Craig Shoomaker of Clearwater firmly believes that the Super Bowl, the annual championship of the National Football League, should be declared a federal holiday.  “It just makes sense; it’s a day when we all come together and celebrate,” he said. “Isn’t that what holidays are for?” He gestured to the people gathered at the Super…

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