Posts Tagged ‘DeSantis corona’
Ron DeSantis sends get well wishes to Rick Scott
Following the announcement that Senator Rick Scott has tested positive for having Covid-19, Florida Governor has sent his predecessor a hand-written get well card. “It’s no secret that Rick and I have had our differences,” said DeSantis. “But President Trump is always reminding me that he’s a colleague and a good fellow Republican, so I…
Read MoreDeSantis pet conspiracy blogger Kyle Lamb hires assistant
Noted conspiracy theorist, Uber driver and sports blogger Kyle Lamb, recently hired by Governor Ron DeSantis as a data analyst on COVID-19 research, has hired his own assistant, Ashley Lindsay, a USF student majoring in art history. “She’s hot, isn’t she?” said Lamb, in lieu of a more professional introduction. “Ronny said I could…
Read MoreFlorida’s COVID-19 dashboard now advertises Publix sandwich deals instead of case numbers
In a shocking announcement this afternoon, Governor Ron DeSantis, held a press conference to inform citizens that the Department of Health (DoH) would be “tracking when our beloved Publix subs are on sale,” he put on his mask and whispered quietly, “instead of when people die.” Since the beginning of the pandemic, Florida’s COVID-19 dashboard…
Read MoreDeSantis comes his pants during Covid test
Governor Ron DeSantis prematurely ejaculated into his pants Wednesday morning while getting his nose swabbed for a Covid-19 test. He then farted loudly and turned to the press cameras and went “oopsies!” This coming only shortly after he recently came his pants while giving an impassioned speech on television about, “how everyone got it wrong,…
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