Posts Tagged ‘Governor Ron Desantis’
Florida Announces Free Trans Youth Summer Camp
As part of the new Parental Rights Act, the Florida Legislature celebrated the opening of a special campground for trans children. “This new program is going to help us finally eradicate the woke plague that is infecting the TikTok youth,” said Florida Governor, Ron DeSantis. Students in the Florida public school system will be subject…
Read MoreFlorida residents united in annoyance
Residents throughout the state of Florida woke up at 4:45am this morning after receiving an alert on their cell phones from the Florida Division of Emergency Management. “THIS IS IT! THE DRAG QUEENS ARE COMING FOR OUR GUNS! BURN SOME MORE BOOKS!!” screamed Tim Wigsworth of Brandon upon hearing the unsettling tone from his phone.…
Read MoreDeSantis glad that lent is finally over
With tomorrow being Good Friday, heading into the Easter weekend, today marks the end of lent, the 40-days beginning with Ash Wednesday during which many Christians observe a period of fasting, repentance, moderation, self-denial, And few are more relieved that it’s ending than Florida governor Ron DeSantis who abstained from using the N-word. “I can…
Read MoreDeSantis fixes controversial sculpture
Following an incident for which a Tallahassee private school’s principal was forced to resign due to parents complaining that a photo of Michaelangelo’s Renaissance masterpiece sculpture of David being shown to students was “pornographic”, Florida Governor Ron DeSantis has taken it upon himself to remedy the situation for the benefit of all concerned. “There. All…
Read MoreDeSantis DeNounces ‘Woke Baseball Classic’, Declares USA Winner
Last night in Miami, Florida Governor Ron DeSantis issued a proclamation honoring the team representing the United States in the recently completed World Baseball Classic as the rightful winners of the global tournament. “I don’t care what the scoreboard said, baseball is America’s game, America is number one and America is the winner,” he said,…
Read MoreDeSantis visits local Thigh restaurant
Florida Governor Ron DeSantis visited Tampa yesterday for the express purpose of dining at Si-Am Thaimerican Restaurant on Franklin Street downtown. “Man, do I love some good Thigh food. The authentic stuff, like the Thigh people make in Thighland. Pad Thigh is probably my favorite. I also like Thigh Spring Rolls, Thigh Salad, Thigh-style Chicken…
Read MoreTrump endorses Clearwater pizzeria
Former or current President of the United States Donald Trump has offered his enthusiastic support of Sonny’s Pizza, a small pizza and subs shop in Clearwater. “He approached us, not vice-versa, which is wild,” said owner Tim “Sonny” Schwartz. “Apparently he called lots of pizza places in Florida before reaching us. I guess we got…
Read MoreHow to $tick it to Tampa News Force
In an obvious effort to curry favor with poor, put-upon, tough-as-nails-yet-apparently-thin-skinned Florida Governor Ron DeSantis, Florida Senator Jason Brodeur (R-Lake Mary) has introduced “Senate Bill 1316: Information Dissemination“, which would require any blogger writing about government officials to register with the Florida Office of Legislative Services or the Commission on Ethics. Brodeur, who you may…
Read MoreDeSantis has new favorite comic strip
Florida governor Ron DeSantis recently discovered the syndicated comic strip ‘Dilbert’, and it has immediately become his favorite. “It’s just so funny! Look at him, with his tie flipping upward. Whose tie does that? Not mine, that’s for sure. Dilbert’s, that’s who! Ha ha ha!” he said, reiterating that he thinks the strip is funny.…
Read MoreDeSantis marked safe from February
Top Florida State security officials have confirmed that Governor Ron DeSantis has survived the month of February, also known as “Black History Month”, unscathed. “There are still a few hours left, but we’re pretty sure he’ll make it,” said Florida State Police spokesperson Lou Scannon. “The odds of him being exposed to any references to…
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