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Ron DeSantis sucks d**k to prove he’s not gay

Ron D Dick

Governor Ron Desantis has made headlines again after publicly giving a blow job to a man during his last press conference to, “prove once and for all, that I’m not gay.” After relentless cyber-bullying, accusing the Governor of being gay, DeSantis decided to take matters into his own hands by bringing a male sex-worker to…

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The State of Florida Guide on how to get rid of unwanted migrants

Migrants

(Reposted as a public service on behalf of the Florida State Government as interpreted by Governor Ron DeSantis who is totally not a tyrant.) Do you have a problem with migrants infesting your neighborhood, raping and murdering you? Of course you do. Don’t bother looking out the window to see for yourself; take our word…

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School resource officer shoots kid reading gay book

Gay Book

A second grader is in critical condition today after being shot by his school resource officer while reading Lesléa Newman’s 1989 classic picture book ‘Heather Has Two Mommies’. “I was patrolling the library and saw the gay book,” said officer Frank Johnnie. “At first I was just trying to shoot the book, but the kid…

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Sex With Pregnant Women Now Illegal in Florida

No Sex With Pregos

Now that life begins at conception, sex with pregnant women will be considered sexual battery on a minor. “New and expecting parents will be required by law to sign a form stating they didn’t engage in any sexual contact after discovering the pregnancy.” Said Florida Governor Ron DeSantis during a press conference where he signed…

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TNF post-primary preview in review

Charlie & Nikki

Following Tuesday’s tightly contested 2022 Florida Democratic Party gubernatorial primary between Rep. Charlie Crist and Florida Agricultural Commissioner Nikki Fried (and apparently two other people nobody ever heard of), here are the official analysis and endorsements from Tampa News Force, which probably would have suited you better if it came out yesterday or even earlier.…

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DeSantis places restrictions on Kate Bush music

Kate Bush

Due to being featured prominently in the popular Netflix series Stranger Things, the Kate Bush Song “Running Up That Hill (A Deal With God),” originally released in 1985, is a chart-topping hit again. “Yeah, and I’m sick of it,” said Florida Governor Ron DeSantis. “Damn song is everywhere, all the time.” For that reason, among…

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Rogue cop plays by his own rules

RogueCop

Andrea Warren of Tampa was recently pulled over and cited for an illegal u-turn by a police officer while sitting at a red light on north Dale Mabry at Waters Avenue. The officer, who identified himself as Captain Donny SeRantis with a law enforcement agency he refused to identify, said, “When you flagrantly violate traffic…

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New queen in town taking Tampa Bay drag scene by storm!

Rhonda Santis

Rhonda Santis, a drag performer who recently moved to Tampa from Tallahassee, is packing in crowds at drag shows all over the Tampa Bay Area. “There’s something familiar about her but I can’t put my finger on it,” said legendary local drag queen Amy DeMilo. “But I don’t think I’d like to.” “She’s really filthy.…

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