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Tampa goes entire day without news
For the first time in Tampa’s history, the city has gone a full day without any news. “Nothing happened today.” Said, Peck Bretters, Editor in Chief at Tampa News Daily. “The phones were quiet, nobody walked through the door, it was just nothing.” Bretters sighed. “Well at least I get a story out of it!”…
Read MoreSt. Pete man assaulted for misidentifying dog
Pete Wieters of St. Petersburg was punched in the face yesterday for misidentifying the breed of a woman’s dog. “She had a really cute dog and all I did was ask her if it was a Frenchy, a French Bulldog,” he said. “Next thing I know, she clocks me.” “I get that all the time…
Read MoreClearwater man “accidentally” forgets to zip pants for 25th time this year
Gary Phrenger, an associate at Robust Paradigms Inc. in Clearwater has now somehow “forgotten” to zip up his pants after using the restroom at work 25 times since 2023 began. “Aw, come on, Gary,” said co-worker Dennis Flavors, observing the special occasion. “Again, man? Again??” “Huh?” responded Phrenger looking down at his crotch. “Ha ha!…
Read MoreThese 3 numbers could change your life
No, I’ve got nothing sorry. I couldn’t even pretend to come up with one for this one. I just like when headlines say stupid shit like “This thing could change your life forever.” It never does. Honestly I’m not sure if anything I’ve ever read or heard has changed my life forever. When I was…
Read MoreHow to $tick it to Tampa News Force
In an obvious effort to curry favor with poor, put-upon, tough-as-nails-yet-apparently-thin-skinned Florida Governor Ron DeSantis, Florida Senator Jason Brodeur (R-Lake Mary) has introduced “Senate Bill 1316: Information Dissemination“, which would require any blogger writing about government officials to register with the Florida Office of Legislative Services or the Commission on Ethics. Brodeur, who you may…
Read MoreTampa comedian dies trying to write perfect topical joke
Tampa stand-up comedian Glenn “Glizzy” Werthers, best known for his persistent efforts to get everyone to call him “Glizzy”, was found dead in his apartment yesterday, the victim of an apparent, very specific form of writer’s block. “We see this sometimes when writer’s block is really severe. The writer’s brain will literally explode,” said Hillsborough…
Read MoreMass shooting interrupted by mass shooting
A mass shooting that took place at Wet Willy’s Waterpark on Flankton Avenue in East Tampa was temporarily interrupted, when a second mass shooter, not connected to the first mass shooter, showed up to commit a mass shooting. Arnold Jeffries, who entered at the south entrance and began opening fire towards the lazy river noticed…
Read MoreFast food marquee is speechless
The Krystal at 2625 West Hillsborough Avenue in Tampa is reacting to recent events with shocked silence from the hamburger restaurant’s marquee. “I mean, what can you say? What can anyone say?” said Krystal manager Culver McButterburger, referring to any number of existential horror stories taking place at every waking moment. “It’s all so… just……
Read MoreSouth Tampa woman gets service animal
Bethany Britney of South Tampa is the new recipient of a service animal for day-to-day tasks, thanks to her father, a retired coal miner in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. “I guess it occurred to him that I have a pretty easy time of it,” she said. “So he bought me a hinder monkey.” “She’s attractive and has…
Read MoreTNF Investigative Report: The Santos Connection
Sometimes you don’t have to go very far to find a scandal. As more and more information comes out regarding Long Island (NY) Rep.-elect and admitted huge liar George Santos, it has also become apparent that there might be some sort of insidious connection between him and Tampa News Force co-founder Joshua Santos, based on…
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