Posts Tagged ‘christmas’
COVID test numbers expected to plummet to record lows in Tampa this weekend
Florida Governor Ron DeSantis is reporting that projections indicate that there will be zero positive COVID-19 test results from Tampa between now and the end of the Christmas weekend, which he is giddily touting as a Christmas Miracle. “It’s a Christmas Miracle!”, he touted giddily at a hastily arranged press conference on Dale Mabry Highway,…
Read MoreTampa man can’t shake nagging feeling he’s forgotten something
A sales associate for Boost Mobile in Tampa is positive he’s forgotten something important pertaining to Christmas, but hasn’t been able to figure out what it might be. “It’s driving me crazy”, Joe Banjoe said, sitting alone at Hattrick’s in downtown Tampa. “I just can’t put my finger on what it is.” “I don’t think…
Read MoreHallmark to air Christmas romance movie set in Ybor City
“We just think Ybor is such a colorful and vibrant locale. It’s hard to understand why more films haven’t been set there”
Read MoreGovernor DeSantis shows up late for tree lighting in Ybor
Florida Governor Ron DeSantis showed up very early this morning in Ybor City to participate in the 10th annual holiday tree lightning ceremony, which took place over two weeks ago. “I kind of wanted to avoid the crowd”, he said. “Plus, showing up fashionably late is something that’s cool to do.” The event was presented…
Read MoreMom’s good intentions wreck Christmas
In an effort to make this Christmas special for her three small children, daughter Daphne and twin sons Ryan and Bryan, Amy Flincher of St. Petersburg has inadvertently ruined the holiday for them. “This Christmas?? I’m worried they’re going to need therapy for the rest of their lives”, she said, distraught. “I am so bad…
Read MoreTampa News Force official 2020 holiday gift guide
Happy Black Friday! In order to help you shop for gifts this year, we’ve enlisted the help of Vixxxie the TNElf, and her stupid boyfriend Brad, who have gathered a selection of items for sale from some of Tampa Bay’s best comedians. “Hi everyone! I’m Vixxxie the TNElf and I’ve found some just wonderful products…
Read MoreShoppers brawl over holiday decorations at Tampa CVS
A huge fight between a number of shoppers erupted yesterday at the CVS drug store at 6701 N. Dale Mabry, over which holiday decorations are appropriate to put on sale at this time of year and a complete inability to mind their own business. It began when two women entered the store and immediately encountered…
Read MoreArea felines declare war on Christmas
“Ok, I give up! The Christmas tree stays down!” I shouted at my cats, who couldn’t be bothered to give a flying fuck. This is the 17th time they’ve knocked down the Christmas tree since I put it up Black Friday. I didn’t even put the ornaments on the fake spruce before this band of…
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