Posts Tagged ‘Governor Ron Desantis’
Tampa Boy Buys Gun on Facebook Marketplace, Kills Armed Intruder Same Day
In an event that likely would have ended in violent breaking and entering, 11-year-old Salem Plowers is being hailed as a hero after successfully shooting to death a would be criminal, thanks to the Facebook Marketplace. “The guy on the internet agreed to meet me to buy my Nintendo Switch,” said Plowers who was sucking…
Read MoreRon DeSantis preemptively buys Rat Bastards.com domain name
The office of Governor Ron DeSantis has acquired numerous domain names to preemptively stop any trolling, including Rat Bastards.com, Mole Rat Governor.com, Sniveling Failure.com, and Worst Governor Ever.com, to name a few amongst the hundreds bought. “The Governor was worried people might use those platforms to gather and ridicule him in a public forum, and…
Read MoreGovernor Ron DeSantis Announces Plan To Open Them Cheeks
During a press conference today, Florida Governor Ron DeSantis announced his plan to slowly open them cheeks and get in that thing. “Some guy named Fatty on twitter made fun us and called us anon edge lords on Twitter,” said DeSantis speaking from the point of view of Tampa News Force. “It really hit close…
Read MoreFlorida Governor Ron DeSantis caught stealing from fruit truck
Presley’s Fruit Truck – Leon County – Tuesday, 5.14.19 Governor Ron DeSantis was caught stealing a guava out the back of a fruit truck in West Tallahassee in a bizarre turn of events which has led the governor to attempting to pardon himself. DeSantis was blackout drunk after a fundraising event when he stumbled onto…
Read MoreGovernor Ron DeSantis Signs Bill Banning Tasers in School
Florida Governor’s Mansion – Leon County – Friday, 5.10.2019 Florida Governor Ron DeSantis signed a bill today banning teachers from carrying tasers in public schools. After signing a bill allowing teachers to carry a gun if they pass a course, the Florida government decided to ban teachers from carrying a taser. “What if a child…
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