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Ron DeSantis preemptively buys Rat Bastards.com domain name

The office of Governor Ron DeSantis has acquired numerous domain names to preemptively stop any trolling, including Rat Bastards.com, Mole Rat Governor.com, Sniveling Failure.com, and Worst Governor Ever.com, to name a few amongst the hundreds bought. “The Governor was worried people might use those platforms to gather and ridicule him in a public forum, and…

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Governor Ron DeSantis Announces Plan To Open Them Cheeks

Ron Desantis arrested for stealing from fruit truck

During a press conference today, Florida Governor Ron DeSantis announced his plan to slowly open them cheeks and get in that thing. “Some guy named Fatty on twitter made fun us and called us anon edge lords on Twitter,” said DeSantis speaking from the point of view of Tampa News Force. “It really hit close…

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Florida Governor Ron DeSantis caught stealing from fruit truck

Ron Desantis arrested for stealing from fruit truck

Presley’s Fruit Truck – Leon County – Tuesday, 5.14.19 Governor Ron DeSantis was caught stealing a guava out the back of a fruit truck in West Tallahassee in a bizarre turn of events which has led the governor to attempting to pardon himself. DeSantis was blackout drunk after a fundraising event when he stumbled onto…

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Governor Ron DeSantis Signs Bill Banning Tasers in School

Florida Bans Tasers in Schools

Florida Governor’s Mansion – Leon County – Friday, 5.10.2019 Florida Governor Ron DeSantis signed a bill today banning teachers from carrying tasers in public schools.  After signing a bill allowing teachers to carry a gun if they pass a course, the Florida government decided to ban teachers from carrying a taser. “What if a child…

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