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Abortion clinic shooter wins GOP primary

Abortion shooter

Timothy Edelstein, who was arrested for committing a mass shooting at an abortion clinic, was named the winner of a secret preliminary primary for the GOP. “He hates abortions, he loves guns, he really checks all the boxes.” Said Hanz Prinzman, the secret shadow-GOP government leader. “What about the fact that he murdered people and…

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Abortion bar opens in Seminole Heights

Abortion Bar

A new establishment in South Seminole Heights named “Suckers” has opened, touting its option for woman to receive an abortion while they have a drink at the bar. “The ladies sit right at the counter, and while they enjoy one of our fresh squeezed alcoholic daiquiris, below the counter we have certified medical professionals sucking…

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Governor stops abortion with bare hands

Florida Governor, Ron DeSantis is making headlines again, after trying to win back his base by stopping an abortion physically, by standing in between the patient and the doctor. “I need to rally my base!” Shouted DeSantis as he wrestled with the nurse. “Ahhhh!” Screamed the woman who was supposed to be receiving an abortion.…

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