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USF offering new degree programs

USF Grad

In light of criticism over student loan forgiveness, the University of South Florida (USF) is offering degrees in a variety of new fields. “Many people have expressed concern over our curriculum, specifically that young people are enrolling here at USF to seek frivolous educations in order to escape so-called real-world responsibilities like being poor and…

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Scientists worried machines are already closer to becoming self-aware than most humans

Researchers at the University of South Florida in Tampa are concerned that advances in artificial intelligence (AI) could lead to machines becoming sentient and more self-aware than most human beings in the very near future, if it hasn’t happened already. “It’s already occurring”, said Dr. Ruupi Gruvar. “Machines with human-level intelligence are on the horizon.…

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Research determines Ybor’s 7th Avenue comprised mostly of bodily fluids

An exhaustive study by research scientists and grad students from the University of South Florida has determined that 7th Avenue (La Septima), Ybor City’s main thoroughfare, is made up mostly of bodily fluids. “To be clear, we’re talking about the physical make-up of the street itself”, says Margot Hydrocloset, lead USF researcher from her team’s…

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St. Pete men change minds on controversial issue after argument

Dan Widworth of St. Petersburg has changed his opinion on an extremely divisive social issue following an intense argument with Rob Birdley, a man he met at a local restaurant Friday afternoon. “I was minding my business, eating a cheeseburger at El Cap when I heard this guy running his big, dumb mouth,” says Widworth.…

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USF study proves Jack shit

Scientist at USF discover Jack shit

After studying the effects of Jack on his toilet, USF researchers were able to discover that he shit. “Yeah I think Jack shit,” said local scientist Molly Boingboing. “In fact, we can confirm Jack shit because I saw it. I saw Jack shit.” When asked what the groundbreaking multimillion dollar study means for all scientific…

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