Arms dealers celebrate another successful year with boat parade

In what has become a new Tampa Bay tradition, some of the world’s billion dollar corporations that manufacture and sell weapons systems to equip the brave men and women who protect our country by serving as troops in the military, as well as troops from any other countries with an established line of credit, held a boat parade Wednesday outside the Tampa Convention Center to celebrate their success, in conjunction with the end of this year’s annual Special Operations Forces Industry Conference.

The same area where Buccaneers quarterback Tom Brady threw the Lombardi Trophy and Lightning goalie Andrei Vasilevskiy wore the Conn Smythe trophy as a hat, saw members of the United States Special Operations Command (SOCOM) showing off military vehicles, boats and helicopters while pretending to kill each other.

“What another fantastic year!”, said James ‘Jim’ D. Taiclet, Chairman, President & CEO of Lockheed Martin Corporation. “$715 billion US Defense Budget! Number one in the world, baby! Up $10 billion over last year, when we were also number one in the world, baby!”

“Yeah, I could get used to this”, agreed Gregory Hayes CEO and President of Raytheon Technologies, lighting a cigar with a $1000 bill.

“Who am I kidding? I am used to this! Ha ha ha ha!”, he added before starting to make out passionately with Taiclet.

“No offense to the Bucs or Bolts, but I think our boat parade would blow theirs away. Literally!”, said David L. Calhoun, president and CEO of The Boeing Company, as he pleasured himself while watching Taiclet and Hayes.

Florida Governor Ron DeSantis was invited to attend the parade but was unable to due to needing to seek medical attention after suffering a four-hour erection upon being invited.