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Top 5 Common Household Items THAT CAN KILL YOU

Household killers

The world is a violent and dangerous place. Your life is in danger anytime you venture out into it. Highly contagious diseases, mass shootings, crazy traffic. Most of us experience a huge sense of relief upon arriving home at the end of the day. But that’s a false sense of security; your home is a…

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FDA determines that lettuce is bad for you

Lettuce

The Food and Drug Administration (FDA) has released startling news about lettuce, determining that it is actually not good for people to eat. “Hoo boy, we really blew it this time!” said scientist Dr. Edmund Brunchfaster from the FDA’s lab in Tampa. “I mean big time. Just huge. Wow!” The findings that directly contradict decades…

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Exposure to Senator Rick Scott Cited as Leading Cause of Monkeypox

MonkeyPox Rick

During a recent survey of people infected with Monkeypox, over 85% of respondents said that the Florida Senator, Rick Scott, was the last person they had physically come in contact with before experiencing symptoms. “I met him at a press event, and we hooked up,” said Everett Estreya, a 27-year-old intern for CNN.  “After he…

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Raccoon behind local Planned Parenthood starves to death

Planned Parenthood raccoon

Following Roe v. Wade‘s overturn, women all around the country “literally can’t even” get an abortion. Well this affects women everywhere and men who are allergic to latex, it seems to be affecting others as well.  “He seems so jovial, so full of life,” says Oldsmar Planned Parenthood director, Lisa Cummings. “We showed up today…

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Top 5 Reasons You Don’t Need to Worry About Monkeypox

MonkeyPox

You’ve probably been hearing a lot lately about something called “monkeypox” as the next big thing you need to be afraid of. Monkeypox is a rare disease caused by infection with the monkeypox virus. Monkeypox virus belongs to the Orthopoxvirus genus in the family Poxviridae. What it also is, is something you don’t really need to worry about…

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How to be the most attractive person in any room

Good Looking

Science has proven that Tampa News Force readers are 33% more attractive than the average person. So odds are you’re probably doing fine. But if you’re looking to be, undeniably, the most attractive person in any room you enter, follow these tips Demonstrate wealth Dress extravagantly everywhere you go. Long coat, multiple jewel-encrusted rings, peacock…

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Babies will be given guns at birth

Baby Gun

In an effort to end mass shootings, all babies born from now on will be given guns immediately at birth in an attempt to breed an evolution of humans with guns built directly into their bodies. “By familiarizing newborns with guns, we’re hoping to ultimately have a race of humans born with guns already in…

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Doctors begin vaccinating fetuses

Fetus Vaccine

A new Pfizer vaccine specifically designed for use in vitro has been released and put into practice, vaccinating babies before they leave their mother’s womb. A syringe is inserted directly through the woman’s fallopian tube which, reaches the baby, vaccinating it, and protecting it from Covid before it’s delivered. “It didn’t hurt, and I’m happy…

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Baby born with mask on

Masked couple

A Polk County woman gave birth to a baby born with a Covid mask on after she claims the child was conceived while both parents were wearing masks. “We made love while wearing Covid masks because we were in the back of a subway car in New Jersey and you had to have them on.…

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