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Top 5 Things to do in Quarantine

Fives

Jerk off Jerking off is one of the easiest things you can do when you have nothing else to do and are stuck at home. It feels good, it doesn’t cost any money, (internet if you prefer visuals/audio), we don’t know if there’s really any lasting negative mental effects because we’re stupid and can’t seem…

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Rich People in Tampa are Exempted from Quarantine

Rich People Are Unable to Catch the COVID-19 virus

While much of Florida begins a quarantine that hopes to stop the spread of COVID-19, people with incomes greater than $35,000 a year are celebrating the fact that they are too rich to contract the virus.  “I’m not rich,” said Shairy Woods, a woman who works two jobs and barely makes $36,000 a year.  “I…

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Coronavirus challenge explodes on Tik Tok

Sleep

“Groups of children will circle around one of their friends and all begin coughing on them at the same time until they wake up, then they pour a bowl of bat soup onto their head and chant the lyrics of that old Busta Rhymes song, but instead of ‘Woohaa,’ they shout, ‘Wuhan!’”

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Dunedin man severely beaten for not washing his hands

Dummies in Dunedin

Jim Philfer of Dunedin was attacked upon exiting a public restroom by a mob of angry people because he didn’t wash his hands. Philfer, a Rob Lowe-lookin’ motherfucker, says, “I was on a date, eating dinner at Casa Tina with this hot blonde whose name escapes me, and I excused myself to visit the men’s…

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