Health
Top 5 Things to do in Quarantine
Jerk off Jerking off is one of the easiest things you can do when you have nothing else to do and are stuck at home. It feels good, it doesn’t cost any money, (internet if you prefer visuals/audio), we don’t know if there’s really any lasting negative mental effects because we’re stupid and can’t seem…
Read MoreRich People in Tampa are Exempted from Quarantine
While much of Florida begins a quarantine that hopes to stop the spread of COVID-19, people with incomes greater than $35,000 a year are celebrating the fact that they are too rich to contract the virus. “I’m not rich,” said Shairy Woods, a woman who works two jobs and barely makes $36,000 a year. “I…
Read MoreTampa medical call center rewards employee bravery with jeans day all week.
It was announced on Monday of this week that employees will be allowed to wear jeans all week long as a reward for their bravery and dedication.
Read MorePhysician offers tips on how to talk to children about Covid-19
“This is a very confusing and stressful time for everyone. Imagine experiencing at as a toddler… There are ways to help them through this.”
Read MoreCoronavirus challenge explodes on Tik Tok
“Groups of children will circle around one of their friends and all begin coughing on them at the same time until they wake up, then they pour a bowl of bat soup onto their head and chant the lyrics of that old Busta Rhymes song, but instead of ‘Woohaa,’ they shout, ‘Wuhan!’”
Read MoreOld man declares pandemic over
“I’m smarter than all these goddamn high school dropouts.”
Read MoreDunedin man severely beaten for not washing his hands
Jim Philfer of Dunedin was attacked upon exiting a public restroom by a mob of angry people because he didn’t wash his hands. Philfer, a Rob Lowe-lookin’ motherfucker, says, “I was on a date, eating dinner at Casa Tina with this hot blonde whose name escapes me, and I excused myself to visit the men’s…
Read MoreState officials withheld Coronavirus info
State Surgeon General Scott Rivkees told reporters at a press conference in Tampa on Monday morning, “We became aware of this Saturday evening,” before adding “My bad.”
Read More5 signs you may have Coronavirus
If you are ticklish you must get tested now.
Read MoreHudson Man Protests Universal Healthcare Because He’s “Not Currently Sick”
In Hudson, FL, a middle aged man has begun protesting what he considers to be the “imminent threat” of government provided healthcare.
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