Science
USF to honor esteemed tech innovator
The University of South Florida (USF) is presenting an honorary degree to digital pioneer genius Robert Hirschsquirtz at commencement ceremonies in Tampa later today. “There are a lot of hugely influential individuals out there in the world of technology, but few have had the massive, positive effect on people’s lives that Mr. Hirschsquirtz has,” said…
Read MoreEnergy harvested from un-reset microwave powers office building
Truist Place, formerly SunTrust Financial Centre, a skyscraper office building in downtown Tampa, has been completely rewired to draw power from a previously untapped source of alternate energy: the unused time from microwave ovens in company breakrooms. “What happens is somebody will set the microwave for three minutes to heat up some soup or a…
Read MoreSacred Geometry just a bunch of gay numbers
I went to check out all that sacred geometry bullsh*t that everybody is always talking about and it was just a bunch of stupid numbers. Who cares? So everything in life can be broken down mathematically and that’s where binary comes from, and all matter is just tiny particles floating around and colliding and this…
Read MoreScientists determine “the vibe is off”
A group of scientists from the Nobel-Prize-winning Gentry Labs Organization in Seminole, Florida, have concluded after a months-long experiment, that “the vibe is off.” “Yea, the vibe is just totally off man.” Said Dr. Tren Tinueve. “We’ve just like, we’ve just like been looking at everything and like, its just like, not right, you know?…
Read MoreScientist proves that the universe is effectively meaningless
Professor Brett Powers, an astrophysicist currently teaching at Brown University has published a series of findings which have virtually rendered the universe meaningless, and humanity as, “inconsequential.” The papers follow various people’s daily lives and conduct surveys of their moods and how actions affect their realities and the world around them. After a 3-year study…
Read MoreTechnicians at MacDill tracking Halloween perverts
Air Force personnel at MacDill Air Force base are using North American Aerospace Defense Command (NORAD) technology to track the movements of sexual predators around the Tampa Bay Area this Halloween in order to protect trick-or-treaters and other holiday celebrants. “It’s the exact same way NORAD tracks Santa Claus at Christmas,” said Major Cassandra McGraw…
Read MoreInternet actually 32 people with 20 million accounts each
The internet as we know it has been exposed as being consisted of no more than 32 individuals who each control 20 million accounts, to create the appearance of an enormously populated entity. “Yea, not that many people actually use the internet, it’s all us, you just don’t realize it because you’re stupid and you…
Read More6 colors of the rainbow you didn’t know existed
Blorange Yurple Gred Blhite Rellow Vurqois
Read MoreHubble telescope takes job as grocery bagger at Publix
Now that NASA’s new James Webb Space Telescope is operational and transmitting spectacular, incredibly detailed infrared light images of a nearby, young, star-forming region called NGC 3324 in the Carina Nebula, the Hubble Space Telescope has been rendered basically obsolete. “Yeah, I guess they don’t need good ol’ Hub anymore,” said the Hubble with a…
Read MoreSt. Pete man conducts own sleep study
Herb Clamstraddler of St. Petersburg has been compiling data from a sleep study he has been conducting on himself for the last six weeks and is now prepared to share his results. “First of all, I would like to express my appreciation to the media and esteemed members of the scientific community for being here…
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