Science
Technicians at MacDill tracking Halloween perverts
Air Force personnel at MacDill Air Force base are using North American Aerospace Defense Command (NORAD) technology to track the movements of sexual predators around the Tampa Bay Area this Halloween in order to protect trick-or-treaters and other holiday celebrants. “It’s the exact same way NORAD tracks Santa Claus at Christmas,” said Major Cassandra McGraw…
Read MoreInternet actually 32 people with 20 million accounts each
The internet as we know it has been exposed as being consisted of no more than 32 individuals who each control 20 million accounts, to create the appearance of an enormously populated entity. “Yea, not that many people actually use the internet, it’s all us, you just don’t realize it because you’re stupid and you…
Read More6 colors of the rainbow you didn’t know existed
Blorange Yurple Gred Blhite Rellow Vurqois
Read MoreHubble telescope takes job as grocery bagger at Publix
Now that NASA’s new James Webb Space Telescope is operational and transmitting spectacular, incredibly detailed infrared light images of a nearby, young, star-forming region called NGC 3324 in the Carina Nebula, the Hubble Space Telescope has been rendered basically obsolete. “Yeah, I guess they don’t need good ol’ Hub anymore,” said the Hubble with a…
Read MoreSt. Pete man conducts own sleep study
Herb Clamstraddler of St. Petersburg has been compiling data from a sleep study he has been conducting on himself for the last six weeks and is now prepared to share his results. “First of all, I would like to express my appreciation to the media and esteemed members of the scientific community for being here…
Read MoreScientists worried machines are already closer to becoming self-aware than most humans
Researchers at the University of South Florida in Tampa are concerned that advances in artificial intelligence (AI) could lead to machines becoming sentient and more self-aware than most human beings in the very near future, if it hasn’t happened already. “It’s already occurring”, said Dr. Ruupi Gruvar. “Machines with human-level intelligence are on the horizon.…
Read MoreScientist discovers white people DO have a racist bone in their bodies
A scientist at the University of South Florida has determined that in spite of years and years of claims to the contrary, white people actually do have a racist bone in their bodies. “The as-yet unnamed newly discovered bone, joining the 206 previously known, can be found in the skull but is not part of…
Read MoreNASA launches Nazi propaganda
Nasa launched a rocket full of Nazi propaganda this morning, sending the former German government articles into the depths of space. “Normally we would just burn or shred this kind of material, but due to climate change we can’t risk putting any more carbon fumes into our atmosphere or filling a landfill with this problematic…
Read MoreDeSantis dedicates new science facility at USF
Florida Governor Ron DeSantis visited the Tampa campus of the University of South Florida to attend the dedication ceremony for the new Dennis Nedry Science Center. “Here’s a man who dedicated his life to science, a true innovator in the fields of computer programming, cyber security and shaving cream containers, who never lost sight of…
Read MoreWuhan Lab Discovered in Tampa
A group of high school kids wandering around an abandoned building in Hillsborough County accidentally stumbled upon what experts believe is the Wuhan lab where Covid-19 originated from. “All the windows were broken and there was a lot of trash everywhere,” said Miguel Mercedes, a junior at Strawberry Crest High School in Plant City. “After…
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