Science
St. Pete man conducts own sleep study
Herb Clamstraddler of St. Petersburg has been compiling data from a sleep study he has been conducting on himself for the last six weeks and is now prepared to share his results. “First of all, I would like to express my appreciation to the media and esteemed members of the scientific community for being here…
Read MoreScientists worried machines are already closer to becoming self-aware than most humans
Researchers at the University of South Florida in Tampa are concerned that advances in artificial intelligence (AI) could lead to machines becoming sentient and more self-aware than most human beings in the very near future, if it hasn’t happened already. “It’s already occurring”, said Dr. Ruupi Gruvar. “Machines with human-level intelligence are on the horizon.…
Read MoreScientist discovers white people DO have a racist bone in their bodies
A scientist at the University of South Florida has determined that in spite of years and years of claims to the contrary, white people actually do have a racist bone in their bodies. “The as-yet unnamed newly discovered bone, joining the 206 previously known, can be found in the skull but is not part of…
Read MoreNASA launches Nazi propaganda
Nasa launched a rocket full of Nazi propaganda this morning, sending the former German government articles into the depths of space. “Normally we would just burn or shred this kind of material, but due to climate change we can’t risk putting any more carbon fumes into our atmosphere or filling a landfill with this problematic…
Read MoreDeSantis dedicates new science facility at USF
Florida Governor Ron DeSantis visited the Tampa campus of the University of South Florida to attend the dedication ceremony for the new Dennis Nedry Science Center. “Here’s a man who dedicated his life to science, a true innovator in the fields of computer programming, cyber security and shaving cream containers, who never lost sight of…
Read MoreWuhan Lab Discovered in Tampa
A group of high school kids wandering around an abandoned building in Hillsborough County accidentally stumbled upon what experts believe is the Wuhan lab where Covid-19 originated from. “All the windows were broken and there was a lot of trash everywhere,” said Miguel Mercedes, a junior at Strawberry Crest High School in Plant City. “After…
Read MoreConsequences of Piney Point debacle beginning to manifest
Following the authorization by Florida Department of Environmental Protection officials to release roughly 215 million gallons of wastewater from the Piney Point facility in Manatee County as an emergency response to a leak in a containment pond liner back on March 31, the first negative repercussions are beginning to show up in the form of…
Read MoreBrooksville doctor establishes link between diabetes and racism
A general practitioner in Brooksville has proven that there is a direct link between diabetes and racism. The theory of the two conditions possibly being related came to light last week when a high school basketball broadcaster in Oklahoma referred to the Norman High School girls basketball team kneeling during the national anthem prior to…
Read MoreTampa man helping to develop new identification system
Bradley Beardsley, a software engineer in Tampa, is aiding the FBI and other law enforcement agencies in creating a new means of identifying people. “Everyone is familiar with facial recognition software but that technology has been largely negated by the wearing of face coverings in the age of COVID”, he said. “Even places like banks…
Read MoreMentally challenged man lifts train
“I used my retard strength.” Said Reggie Tardo, a Ruskin man who wandered onto Tesla’s hyper loop track and lifted a train. “Retard is a word I made by combining my names Reggie and Tardo, have you ever heard that before?” Tardo asked me. “No.” I said, lying. The official police report states that Reggie…
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