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Sex With Pregnant Women Now Illegal in Florida

No Sex With Pregos

Now that life begins at conception, sex with pregnant women will be considered sexual battery on a minor. “New and expecting parents will be required by law to sign a form stating they didn’t engage in any sexual contact after discovering the pregnancy.” Said Florida Governor Ron DeSantis during a press conference where he signed…

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Hitler’s mom would have aborted him if not for abortion laws

Aborted Hitler

In a new bombshell discovery regarding Hitler’s mother’s diaries, the deceased former leader of Germany’s mother was planning to terminate the pregnancy if it were not for strict Austrian abortion laws. “I just have a really bad feeling about this baby” read an entry from Adelaide Hitler, Adolph’s mother. “I feel it squirming around my…

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Florida now most expensive state to get a happy ending

Unhappy Ending

With the rise of rent here in Florida, the everyday worker’s has gone up as well. While this has hit every industry from food service to pharmacists, the biggest drain on our wallets has to be happy endings after a massage.  The cost of a happy ending used to be somewhere around $80 here in…

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Mass shootings should end now that St. Pete woman is sick of them

Following a mass shooting at an Independence Day parade in Highland Park, Illinois yesterday, Sandy Sterns of St. Petersburg has declared that she is completely over it. “This stuff happens all the time. It’s ridiculous”, she said. “And yesterday was a holiday; we all had the day off and were supposed to celebrate America and…

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New queen in town taking Tampa Bay drag scene by storm!

Rhonda Santis

Rhonda Santis, a drag performer who recently moved to Tampa from Tallahassee, is packing in crowds at drag shows all over the Tampa Bay Area. “There’s something familiar about her but I can’t put my finger on it,” said legendary local drag queen Amy DeMilo. “But I don’t think I’d like to.” “She’s really filthy.…

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All of Tampa is Now Spice World

Spice World

During a press conference today, Mayor Jane Castor announced a new partnership with the 90s pop group Spice Girls to officially license the name Spice World. “This has been on my agenda since the first day I was sworn in as mayor,” Castor told reporters.  “Tampa has a lot of people smoking spice, and it’s…

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City of Tampa appoints new Director of Leisure Services

Evans

The City of Tampa has appointed Theodore John Evans to head up the city’s newly created Leisure Services Department. “Tensions are elevated here in Tampa. Everyone is stressed out. We all need to relax,” said Mayor Jane Castor. “With that in mind, we’ve created a brand new agency to help us do exactly that. And…

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